


A Reynard's Remorse

by Lothar_Hex



Series: Zootopia: Major Crimes [1]
Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: F/M, Grief, Hostage Situations, Humour, Interspecies, Interspecies Relationship(s), Interspecies Romance, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Therapy, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-09-22 23:44:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 33,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9630194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lothar_Hex/pseuds/Lothar_Hex
Summary: Nick has been trying to let Judy know his feelings, but never worked up the courage.  The sudden reappearance of an old friend at a hostage situation and the subsequent fallout leaves a dark burden on him that he struggles to escape.





	1. And Today Started Out so Normal...

Nick yawned as he strolled in to the ZPD break room and made a beeline for the coffee pot, nodding at Jackson and Delgato. Even after 6 months on the beat (to the day in fact), and being forced in to the strict routine by his training at the academy, he still was not a morning person. Some people argued that it was because foxes evolved as nocturnal creatures, but his mother was always up at ridiculous o’clock in the morning to make sure he was sent on his way to school (the fact he only  arrived at school about 50% of the time was another matter entirely, hustling starts at an early age after all), so it was probably just him. Couple that with a 7am shift start and it explained his less than enthusiastic mental state

He was also a little miffed that Judy had insisted on heading back to the precinct for their lunch rather than stopping off at a diner. True, the cafeteria food wasn’t awful, but the coffee was, it was if he was the only one who remembered what a filter was. It annoyed him more that Carrots was very evasive when he asked why they had to head back. He assumed she had some paperwork to cover, since she headed to her desk. Fine by him, the less paperwork he had to do, the better. Not that she enjoyed it either mind you, she just accepted it as a necessary evil, and got it done as quickly as possible with all the enthusiasm she could muster while he just watched her, his tail wagging slightly. Admittedly that last part was because he has figured out a way to lean back just enough to get a decent view of her butt while she stood at their shared, way too big desk, without her seeing.

This memory explained why he was lost so deep in thought that Judy was able to sneak up behind him and shout “SURPRISE!” at the top of her lungs, causing him spray the coffee he was drinking all over the break room wall.

“Christ Carrots!” Nick said as he hopped on a nearby chair, grabbed a wad of paper towels from the counter and started mopping. “Give a guy a heart attack why don’t ya?”

“Sorry sorry!” Judy cried setting down a package she was holding, and then jumping up on the actual counter to help.

“Hey feet off the counter!” Delgato chided from acroos the room, as he and Jackson watched the Nick and Judy show with enthusiasm.

“Get a lower counter then!” Judy snapped back as she helped Nick mop up the mess

“Hey maybe you should just get some stilts!” Jackson said, chuckling at the pair. Judy flipped him off, causing him to go in to mock offence. “Why Carrots, you wound me!” he chuckled…before realising the room had gone deadly silent. Judy was glaring at him, death in her eyes, while Nick and Delgato seemed to be engaged in a match of synchronised ceiling inspection. He stared as Judy hopped over from the counter to the table in one leap, landing inches from his face, causing him to jump in his seat, sending his fish sandwich to the floor.

“What did you call me?” Judy asked, in a low monotone, never blinking as she stared right in to the tiger’s eyes.

“Huh, what?” Jackson replied, seeking help from his fellow offices, who had now switched to inspecting the cheap carpet

"I said. What. Did. You. Call. Me?” Judy repeated, poking the chest of a tiger ten times her size with every word for emphasis, and absolutely no fear. The same could not be said for Jackson, who found himself absolutely terrified of a mammal that he could swallow whole. Logic dictated that he should be growling and trying to make himself look bigger to cause the bunny to back down…but considering Hopps had taken down Francine and McHorn in a couple of recent sparring matches, that would be a good way to end up in the hospital.

 “Uh…Carrots?” Jackson finally said after not taking a breath for almost 30 seconds.

“Don’t call me Carrots.” Judy replied in a low voice that threatened violence at a sub-sonic level.

“Huh, but Nick…” Jackson started to answer, before a thump from Judy’s leg caused the entire table to shift over by several inches.

“Nick can call me that, you can’t. Clear?” she said, her death glare intensifying.” Jackson swallowed and answered “Yeah, yeah sure Jud…I MEAN OFFICER HOPPS!” he added hurriedly.

"Call me Judy,” she said, her death glare gone and replaced with her normal enthusiastic demeanour. “Oh cheese and crackers!” she suddenly exclaimed, looking down at Jackson’s destroyed lunch. “I’m so sorry Jackson! I seem to have knocked your lunch over. Here!” she said withdrawing and proferring a $10 bill from her wallet.

Jackson, stunned by the sudden change in tone, tried to decline. “Oh no way Judy I couldn’t possblEURGH” he said as Judy shoved the bill in to his mouth.

“I insist,” she said still smiling sweetly as she bounded off the desk back towards her partner, who was just staring at her in amazement. Delgato was trying to stifle a laughing fit as he helped his spluttering partner out of his seat. “C’mon mate, take it from someone who knows, don’t mess with that badass bunny. Let’s go get you some lunch before we’re back on patrol. Later Nick, Judy,” he said as he motioned his still coughing partner out of the break area. However Nick was too busy staring at Judy to acknowledge the goodbye. Delgato grinned knowingly and left the pair alone. Nick was still staring two minutes later when Judy turned to him with a quizzical look on her face.

“Nick everything OK?” she asked, as he finally snapped out of his thoughts. It was at this point he had also become aware that his trousers had gotten far too tight for him. He flicked his tail round his body covering his front, which in fact caused Judy to look exactly where he didn’t want to.

“Yeah fine!” he shouted far louder than he intended. _Smooth Nick,_ he thought to himself as his ears reddened for a split second before he quickly regained his cool composure. “Just amazed at how tough a rabbit can be Carrots. Not that I needed reminding seeing you in action almost every day this last six months!” he added quickly.

“Oh right that reminds me!” Judy exclaimed, her ears popping up. She jumped off the counter to the package she had been carrying which had somehow managed to avoid the debris of Jackson's lunch. “Here you go, happy six-month partnership anniversary!” she said as she spun round, proffering the box. Nick stared at it for a few moments before Judy shoved it into his stomach, causing him to grab it lest it dropped to the floor.

“What’s this?” Nick coughed as he opened the box, and he saw the largest blueberry pie he had ever seen in his life.  The smell reached his nostrils a second later, causing his mouth to water.

“One of Gideon’s best. I said you’d have to try one. I got a courier to bring it from Bunnyburrow this morning, with the special insulated packaging so it’d still be warm,” Judy said. “That’s also why you couldn’t smell it. It’s been in the car all morning.”

“Seriously Fluff? You got a pie from over 200 miles away?” Nick replied, his face a picture of astonishment. “I mean I wasn’t expecting anything at all, but I would have been perfectly happy with a donut.”

“Yeah well, that wouldn’t be nearly enough,” Judy said, as Nick noted her ears turning the slightest shade of red. “I mean after everything we’ve been through since we’ve met, the Night Howler case, the counterfeiting ring…”

“The clown car chase,” Nick interjected, smirking as Judy’s face took on the look of someone who was applying a brain bleach.

“THAT, yes…” Judy said, shuddering from the memories. “Well yeah, I just wanted to do something special” she finished, grinning. “After all, got to show the formerly loner fox he’s appreciated.”

“Yeah I think I get that from you every day,” Nick replied ginning before his face became more sombre. “Seriously though Judy, thanks. I don’t think anyone apart from my mother has given me such a thoughtful gift. Though it does make me a feel a bit unoriginal.”

“Unoriginal?” Judy said, mentally filing away the little fact about the gift away.

“Yeah…cos I got you a gift too,” Nick said as he set the pie down on the counter. He then pulled out a small parcel that he’d been keeping in his breast pocket all morning. “Was just thinking of the best time to give it.” He handed over the small gift to Judy who took it shyly.

“Nick you didn’t…”Judy started before Nick raised a paw. She took the hint and opened the present and found a pair of green and orange Lambsung headphones. But not just any headphones, these had been specifically designed for bunny ears. They were slightly bigger than the standard “one size fits no-one” buds, with an extra padding for a rabbit’s more sensitive ears. But it also featured a curling, padded rubber head band, which contained a rigid but bendable wire inside, allowing a user to mould the band to their own head with maximum comfort while gripping their head, meaning they were very hard to drop out accidently. For even more convenience, they actually had the ability to take the wire that would normally fit in to a phone or mp3 player out completely and use them via YewTooth connection. And they were tough, an elephant could sit on them and they’d still work. Nick had seen how many headphones Judy went through in the last six months during their regular morning jogs.

They also cost about $300.

“NICK!” Judy squealed, incredulous. “You can’t give me something this expensive!”

“Uh huh,” Nick replied. “And how much did you spend on getting that pie here?”

“Mumble mumble.”

“Sorry Carrots, didn’t quite hear you.”

“About $200!” Judy said, embarrassed. “But that’s still less!”

“Eh it’s not about the price, it’s about the thought, and besides. I still have a little cash left from my hustling days stashed away, this is barely a scratch in it. You on the other hand, as far as I am aware, have the financial acumen of a headless chicken.”

“I just wanted to get you something special…” Judy responded, glaring.

“And you did Judy. Really. Thank you,” Nick said, bending down to kiss Judy lightly on the head as he was genuinely touched by her kindness. “I mean; I don’t think that I’ve had a blueberry pie this size since I was a kit. And that was one of my mother’s,” he replied, as a thousand-yard stare came over his features. As many good qualities as his mother had, baking was not one of them. He was pretty sure “rock cakes” was a name, not a description. The dentist actually wrote a note…. then the thought was derailed by the fact that he just _kissed Judy on the head._ Alarms bells were ringing in between his ears along with the thought **_SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!_** Meanwhile Judy’s ears had gone from slightly pink to the colour of the klaxons he thought he could hear. He prepared himself for a kick to the gut…but when it didn’t come he looked down and found her eyes wide and shining. Her mouth was covered by her paws as if she’d gasped…but by the way her cheeks were positioned he thought she may be smiling.

 _So…she liked it?_ Nick thought, his heart starting to race. He’d had feelings for Judy for a while now, but was unsure if she felt the same. _Quick ask her out before you get too scared! AGAIN!_ This was a thought that had reverberated in his head more than once over the last 6 months. _Look if you don’t ask her out right now, I am going to make you recall that time you found Finnick’s **recently used** fleshlight…_

However, before Nick could say anything, a bellow of “ **WILDE! HOPPS! GET YOUR ARSES OUT HERE NOW!** ” caused them both to jump, and scramble out of the break room within 2 seconds. Being yelled at by Chief Bogo for 6 months does that to a mammal. Nick and Judy found their bodies had them standing in front of the buffalo in salute before their minds had even caught up to what was happening. Nick cursed himself, thinking they were about to be chewed out over the fraternization policy. He went to speak, but Bogo cut him off before he could get the first syllable out.

“I don’t have any time for your mouth Wilde,” Bogo grunted, eyeing the pair. “At least not here. We have a hostage situation in Little Rodentia, and we need you down there.”

“Uhm, sir?” Judy said, her mind starting to function slightly behind the confused fox. “I know that we’re still the smallest mammals on the force, but we’re beat cops, not hostage negotiators.

“You read my mind Hopps, but this isn’t a typical hostage negotiation. The suspect asked for Wilde specifically. Apparently he’s an old friend, of yours,” Bogo said, turning to Wilde. “His name’s Robin Locksley.”

“Oh for God’s sake,” Nick said, bringing his hand up to cover his eyes.

“I take it you recognise the name,” Bogo replied. “So Wilde, any idea why a fox with a handgun and two dozen rodent hostages would ask for you by name?”

Nick sighed, but answered, “Yes sir. So you know before I went straight and joined the force? Where I was a street hustler who, while I tip-toed on the edge of the law? I never crossed the line?” he asked. He was never 100% sure if Bogo was convinced of that. The buffalo just stood there impassive. “Well you know how I played to the stereotype of the shifty, cunning fox? And I was good at it?”

“I would say sly, myself, but yes,” Bogo said, still as stoic as ever.

“Well Rob was like me, but more inclined to step on the wrong side of the law and a hell of a lot more stupid.” Nick groaned, closing his eyes as the memories came flooding back. “And a crackhead, which probably explained both of those issues. Where I hustled, he lied. Where I convinced people to hand over their money, he just stole it. He was arrested for burglary a couple of times, but never robbery. He wasn’t one for violence…at least I thought so.”  Nick’s eyes fell to the floor.

“And how do you know him?” Bogo asked, his voice urgent, but calm.

“We grew up together, I helped him out a few times, gave him money to pay off his debts.” Nick answered. He suddenly felt a warm spot on his arm, and turned to see Judy who had been listening intently and placed her paw there. She nodded, silently indicating it was OK to continue. Nick turned back to Bogo. “But that was it sir. I never helped him with anything else, he was, well a friend who was down on his luck.”

“I believe you Wilde. And don’t worry, we vet our applicants very carefully,” Bogo said, smiling. Nick nodded. When they had first met that fateful night in the Rainforest District, the chief had made it very clear he trusted foxes about as far as he could throw them (which was a bit ironic considering their relative sizes). But since joining the force, while gruff, Bogo had been nothing but fair to Nick, even with the sarcastic remarks. He had a feeling a certain bunny had been more than responsible for Bogo’s change of attitude. “Believe me, if there was even the slightest chance of anything above the petty frauds you did, you would be in the cells rather than _putting_ people in them.” Bogo paused before continuing. “Hell you remember that internal affairs agent that came to chat to me last month? The one that ended in me shouting them out of the office?”

“Uhm, no?” Nick replied confused.

“In fairness sir, you shout a lot of people out of your office,” Judy cut in.

“Point taken,” Bogo replied. “Let’s just say she made some disparaging and bigoted remarks about a certain more than capable canine officer. I’m pretty sure they got the message when I dared her to present any evidence to their claims.”

“And threatened to throw her out of the window,” Judy added, chuckling. Say what you want about Bogo, but he cared for the officers in his precinct. He took accusations from internal affairs very seriously. Nick knew crooked cops happened, hell he’d even hustled a couple, but never from precinct one, at least from as from the time he worked out Bogo had been in charge.

“Anyway,” Bogo said before more laughter started. “We’re not exactly sure what happened, but we do know Locksley was caught stealing cars just outside the main highway entrance to Rodentia. Things didn’t go as he planned. Someone called the police and officers Swinton and Wolford got called in. He panicked, grabbed a bus full of rodents and ran through the tunnel into the main park inside the district.  It was about this time he started waving a gun around.” Nick groaned audibly. Robin was always as dumb as a sack of hammers. But this? If he was going out of his way to prove foxes weren’t as smart as everyone thought, he was doing a bang up job.

“Our negotiators have tried, but he said he only wants to speak to you. Seems you’ve become somewhat famous in the fox community Wilde,” Bogo said. “Look I know you’re not trained for this, but you’re probably the only chance Locksley has. Apparently after the negotiator said he’d get you, he’s calmed down a lot.” Bogo took a deep breath. “But if you don’t want to do this, we’ll have to try something else, which unfortunately may end up being lethal for the hostages, Locksley, or both.”

“Understood sir, let’s get going,” Nick said without any hesitation. He felt Judy’s grip tighten slightly, and just realised she hadn’t moved her hand during the entire conversation.

“Permission to join my partner sir!” Judy shouted.

“Sorry Hopps, Locksley asked for Nick, alone.” Bogo said, sighing. “But you’re coming anyway. You’re the only other mammal who can get in to Rodentia quickly. I'm assuming you’ll want her on the radio the entire time Wilde?" he asked as he turned to Nick, who nodded in response “Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?”

“One hundred percent sir.”

“Good. Let’s go.”


	2. Big Trouble in Little Rodentia (probably the most obvious parody name in Zootopia fanfiction).

By the time Bogo, Judy and Nick arrived at scene, most of Little Rodentia had been cordoned off by the ZPD. Bogo would have loved more than anything to keep civilians away that was almost impossible While the district was towards the edge of Savanah Central, it was still a high traffic area, meaning the most they could do was keep foot traffic one hundred metres away from the fenced off district. All the miniature traffic going in to the mini city, both commercial and personal, had been stopped causing tail backs for a good few miles around it. It couldn’t be helped, the district was both the smallest and most densely populated in the city, meaning it was also the busiest. It even had its own miniature airport.What this meant though was that even one medium sized mammal on a rampage could cause horrific damage. _Hell_ Nick thought, _Judy told me about her chase with Weaselton through the district which caused thousands of dollars in property damage and a scurry. And that had lasted all of five minutes. A mad mammal with a gun…_

“Wilde, are you paying attention?” The question brought Nick back to reality, which in this case meant the back of a TUSK van just outside Little Rodentia’s emergency access gates.

“Sorry sir,” Nick replied, his eyes focusing back on the coyote in front of him, the only other mammal in the van. Sergeant Colmillo was the ZPD’s top hostage negotiator, or so it would seem. He looked tired, and frustrated, most likely due to getting nowhere with Robin before it had been agreed that Nick would step in. He also needed a shower, his fur and shirt stained with nicotine from the cigarettes he had been smoking. “I’m just a little nervous.”

“Not surprised,” Colmillo said kindly. If he was annoyed with Nick taking over his job, he was at least hiding it well. Though Nick got the impression he was being sincere. “Look, I’ll admit this is not how this should be going, but unfortunately this kind of crap can happen in these situations. Some mammals can’t be reasoned with, at least with normal negotiation tactics. It doesn’t help that we’re pretty sure your old friend is off his nut on something.”

“Wouldn’t surprise me,” Nick said, sighing.

“Look, I’m going to ask again. Are you sure you’re up for this?” Colmillo said Nick tried to stop his eyes rolling. He’d been asked that question at least five times by Bogo, twice by Colmillo and he’d lost count how many times by Judy. “Nobody would blame you,” the sergeant continued.

“If one of my old friends ends up hurting those kids, I probably would.” Nick grunted as he shifted the weight of his recently acquired bullet proof vest, then adjusted the microphone and earpiece headset he'd been given. On the way Bogo had given him and Judy more details on what he’d be facing as updates had come in. Essentially, it seems Robin had tried a bit of grand theft auto. The “grand” was a little bit too far-fetched for Nick, since he’d been trying to steal cars literally the size of toys. It happened sometimes, larger mammals often got the idea in their head to steal a few of the tiny motors from the district for a quick cash. However, they usually didn’t try it in broad daylight, and stole cars that would turn a decent profit. Like a tiny Furrari or Jaguar from the richer parts of the area, not a bunch of bloody minivans and sedans. When the cops had shown up, Robin had panicked, dropped his bag of micro machines (which was going to cause some insurance investigator a headache when it came time to identifying the mangled heaps), and had picked up a nearby vehicle that had the misfortune to drive within sprinting distance of him. That had just happened to be a local school bus on a field trip to Rodentia’s Church of Saint Michael Mouse. Nick glanced up at a helicopter view of the hostage location. Robin had actually climbed up on to one of Rodentia’s many train lines, and had literally had his foot placed on the roof of the bus, gun pointed at it threatening to shoot if anyone but Nick came close.

The fact he’d probably blow his own foot off while doing this had probably not entered his tiny mind.

So now the lives of three teachers, a driver and twenty children were in Nicks hand. Easy. Walk in the park. No problem!

 _I’m going to throw up._ Nick thought.

“So, again, we’ve got you wired up,” Colmillo said. “Everyone here will be able to listen in, but only myself, Bogo, and as per your request, Hopps will be able to talk to you. I’ll do my best to give you tips and advice, and I’ve instructed the other two to only talk on my say so.  I’ll be honest though, I don’t like our chances.”

“Do you mean our chances of saving the hostages, saving Robin, or saving both?” Nick asked, allowing himself to pant due to his nerves. In his time as a hustler, he’d learned to let your nervous body do what it needed to do as much as possible away from the public. That way he’d gotten it mostly out of his system when it was time to put up his “cool” front. He’d done the same in front of Judy a few times, and he figured Colmillo understood.

“All of them,” Colmillo said, frowning. “Look, I really hope we can do something here, but so far the best we can do is make sure the hostages are safe. That might mean hurting…or killing your friend.”

“How many of these situations end up resolved successfully?” Nick asked, panting slightly more. He was starting to burn up.

“About 85% I’d say.” 

“So…you tend to know when a situation is going bad?” Nick gulped.

“Yeah kid, sorry,” Colmillo responded. “Look, I’ve had situations go bad on me, ones that had hostages killed, but I’ve also been wrong before. I’ve had situations gone from bad, to worse, to FUBAR, and then everyone lives.” He stood up and placed a hand on Nick’s shoulder. “But whatever happens today, I’ll have your back in any interviews or public statements or investigations. I’m not letting some journalist scavengers give you any shit over an impossible situation.”

“Oh so if I fuck up and get everyone killed, at least I’ll probably keep my job!” Nick said, and despite himself, laughed. It took him a good minute to stop, where he found Colmillo just starting at him.

“Yeah see, it’s crap like that is why I asked to go over the final talk with you alone. Anybody else hear you making jokes like that, right now, would probably have kicked your teeth in.”

“Sorry,” Nick replied, ashamed of himself.

“Don’t be, making horrible jokes about the shitty situations we have to try and control is about half the way we negotiators get through the day.”

“What’s the other half?”

“Heavy drinking,” Comillo said glibly. “Speaking of which, me and you will be getting a drink together after this is over, no matter the result. Consider that an order.” Nick nodded, thinking he could really go for a whole bottle of whiskey right now. “So, go through the basics with me again,” Colmillo said.

“I’ve got to find out what he wants, but don’t agree to anything without your's and Bogo’s say so. Try and make him see the reality of the situation he’s put himself in. Above all else, do everything I can to keep the hostages safe. Oh and don’t lie to him,” Nick parroted back.

“And why don’t you lie to him?”

“Because you already tried that and he saw right through it, and got really angry.”

“Yeah angry crackheads are bad and do stupid things,” Colmillo said, making his way to the back of the van. “I’m going to ask one more time. Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Want to? No. Going to do it anyway? Yes,” Nick said with no hesitation. He stood up, breathed deeply a few times, and forced his body to calm down. He put on his best smug smile on his face trying to adopt the attitude he mostly had around Robin in years gone by. “Ready.”

Colmillo nodded, and opened the door to the van. “He’s ready,” he said to the assembled officers who were stood ten meters away from the van allowing them as much privacy as possible. Bogo and Judy started trotting up to the van, both now wearing bullet proof vests.

“Nick,” Judy said nodding, as she cradled a brand new rabbit sized pistol Bogo had presented to her for the scene. He also had a slightly larger one for Nick, but of course, Robin had said to not bring any weapons, while he had conceded to Nick wearing a bullet proof vest.

 _Yeah well, you’ll be close enough that he can always shoot you in the head,_ Nick’s brain decided to point out.

“You sure about this Wilde?” Bogo asked, the faintest glimmer of concern crossing his features.

“Sir, with respect, if someone else asks me that today, I fear my eyes will start rolling so far back that I’ll be able to see what my brain looks like,” Nick said, with the biggest shit-eating grin he could manage.

“You’ll probably find it far too small for that massive swelled head of yours,” Bogo shot right back. He then turned back to one of the many TUSK officers standing near him. “Grizzoli, is everyone in position?”

“Yes sir! Grizzoli barked in response. “We’ve got two snipers in position but they don't have good shots, too many fox sized building in the way to get a decent angle so they'll be next to useless. We’ve also got guys standing by at all the emergency gates ready to move in if needed. The press has been kept back as well. Already had to threaten to shoot down one of one of ZNN’s drones if they didn’t bugger off,” he finished, grinning as he said this. Bogo grinned back at that last comment. "Everyone is loaded with lethal rounds, not tranqs,” he said. He then turned to Nick. “Sorry Wilde, it’s standard operating procedure when dealing with a mammal with a gun.” Nick shrugged in response. He understood, couldn’t take the chance of a tranq taking too long to put Robin down and him getting a shot off. Bogo turned to Judy.

“Hopps, you will walk with Wilde to this gate, but no further. This is the closest gate to Locksley’s position and I want you ready to go if Wilde needs help. Understood?”

“Yes sir!” Judy replied, she then turned and looked Nick in the eye “I won’t let you down.” She began checking her new pistol again. She’d been given small guns to train with at the ZPD shooting range, but this was the first time she had used this particular weapon assigned to her. She obviously wanted to make sure it was in perfect working order if she needed to cover Nick.

Bogo grunted with satisfaction and looked over Nick’s shoulder and nodded to Colmillo who, as Nick saw as he turned, had managed to acquire a megaphone from somewhere. He turned towards Little Rodentia and brought it up to his lips. “Robin! Nick’s here and we’re ready to send him in! Do you want to talk to him!?” the megaphone bellowed.

A few seconds went by before a shout of “Yeah put him on!” could be heard from the centre of the district. Colmillo held the megaphone out to Nick and nodded. “First real test son. Remember, don’t lie,” he said encouragingly to Nick, who took the megaphone. He stared at it for a few seconds too long for comfort, when a small patch of heat was felt on his arm again. He turned once more seeing Judy looking up at him.

“It’ll be OK Nick,” she said, determination in her voice, as if nothing else was possible, as if this could turn in to anything but a massive fuck up…yet somehow Nick became emboldened. He couldn’t let Judy down.

“Yeah of course it will Carrots! It’s me after all.” He said, smiling. He raised the megaphone to his mouth. _Well, here goes everything,_ he thought.

“Hey Robin! It’s Nickles here, how you been buddy!?”

“I’ve been better!” the reply came, and Nick couldn’t help but chuckle. Same old Robin, vastly understating the gravity of the situation.

“I figured yeah,” Nick said. “So I’m just gonna come out and say it, you gonna let the hostages go or do I have to come in there?”

After a few seconds the reply came “Well after I went through all this trouble I figure the least you could do is come see your old friend!”

“Fair enough Rob. My partner’s going to talk me to the gate, but won’t come in with me. You OK with that?”

“Shit yeah Nick, no problem. Wait, is that that cute bunny chick! I never figured you for a fluff chaser! You hit that yet!?”

 _Oh fuck my life_ , Nick groaned internally. Externally he barked “NO!” so loud in to the megaphone, several of the spectators visibly twitched.

“You wanna!?” came the response from within the gates, dripping with earnest interest. “Don’t lie to a fellow vulpes now! You know I was always good at telling when you were lying. Hell that’s why I asked for you!”

 _And fuck your goddamn life too Robin you junkie cunt!_ Nick screamed in his head, feeling his face and ears heat up again. He turned to Judy, who could obviously see his embarrassment, yet had a questioning look on her face. _Oh fuck it!_ _I might end up dead in the next 30 minutes anyway._ He brought the megaphone back up to his mouth while not turning away from Judy.

“Yes,” he said. Judy’s eyes lit up for a second, followed by her ears turning so red she could have filled in for a traffic light.

“She want you to!?” Robin’s reply came in.

“Hey Robin, you’ve already embarrassed the hell out of me today, I don’t think it’s fair…” Nick started blurting out, but before he could finish, Judy grabbed the megaphone out of his hands. “Judy what the hell?”

“YES!” Judy yelled into the megaphone, the answer bouncing off the nearby buildings. The echo was the only thing Nick could hear for an eternity. Judy turned back to him, holding the megaphone out. “No lying, remember?” she said. In that moment, Nick forgot about everything else. It was just him and Judy, staring in to each other’s eyes, his heart hammering in his chest.

The mood was ruined when some bastard behind them shouted “HA! I KNEW IT! PAY UP WOLFORD!” followed by Bogo’s dulcet tones shouting pretty much every obscenity Nick knew, and some new ones he hadn’t, at the unfortunate officer.

“Alright, get yourself in here Nick!” Robin shouted from inside the district. “The sooner we get this sorted out, the sooner you can get some!” he blared, followed by a ridiculous amount of laughter.

“I’ll be right in,” Nick replied, handing the megaphone to Colmillo. “I am really gonna need that drink after this,” he said to the Coyote.

“Yeah…well maybe not straight away,” Colmillo chuckled, nodding towards Judy, whose ears had gone an even darker shade of red. Nick Could swear he could see some of it showing beneath her grey fur as well. He shrugged, and started walking towards the gate, Judy keeping pace.

“If it’s any consolation, the only reason I’m not as red as you is because of the fur,” he said to her as they walked.

“Good to know,” Judy groaned. They reached the gate within seconds, which Nick pulled open, ready to step in.

“You better come out of there,” Judy said grabbing his hand as she did so.

“Oh trust me, if I didn’t have one before, there’s definitely a reason for me to do so now,” Nick replied. He knelt down slightly, thought _Sod it,_ and kissed her hand. “I’ll be back soon.”

“I’ll be here when you need me,” Judy replied and stepped back. Nick breathed deeply, tried to not think about how tight his trousers had gotten in the last few minutes, and stepped through the gate.


	3. Silver Tongue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The negotiations begin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the last chapter I should probably make something clear. You won’t be seeing any smut here, not for any moral reason or bollocks like that. It’s because I am fucking terrible at it, and can only think of so many pseudonyms for “turgid member” before I want to kill myself. They’ll be “mature” jokes and maybe other references but that’ll be all you’ll get from me. Just do a google search if you need that stuff. With that said, off we go…

_OK Nick, just keep it together, just think of this like any other hustle. Smile, keep your posture loose, and don’t fucking vomit. Also work on your internal pep talks!_ Nick’s stomach was doing back flips as he walked through the “high rise” area of Little Rodentia, and by that, he meant buildings taller than 4 metres. He was scared, and while he had learned how to control fear for his own personal safety, he had never been responsible for the lives of so many mammals. Sure he’d put himself between violent criminals and civilians before, but he usually had at least taser and his partner within spitting distance. Add to that the guy who was threatening to become a mass murderer in one go was an old friend of his made the situation, new, exciting and terrifying. He was struggling to come to terms with how he was going to save everyone’s skin, and becoming more acutely aware that this might not happen.

He sniffed lightly catching a stench of fear, sweat and the slightest hint of blood that masked his own musk of terror. He turned past one of the last “skyscrapers” in the district towards the scent, and found himself in a small shopping district, most buildings coming up just past his waist with some more apartment blocks and rail lines just on the other side. His eyes caught up with his nose and he spotted Robin about 15 metres away, standing over the bright yellow school bus, gun pointed in its general direction. Nick sighed internally noticing the state his old friend was in even from this distance. His fur was matted, poking out from a green wife beater vest, which had a good few holes in it. His brown trousers were also torn and stained with what he hoped was old ketchup but probably wasn't. Of course, it wouldn’t be Robin without that matching brown high peaked cap that he wore backwards, along with a hole right in the centre where the idiot had tried to attach a feather.

To top it all off, it was clear Rob had not been eating well. In fact, probably the only thing that had gone in to his body with any sort or regularity lately was either delivered via the nostrils or a syringe.  Most foxes tended towards the lean side, but Robin was damn near emaciated. Nick was sure if he wasn’t wearing a shirt he’d be able to count his ribs. He was also twitching constantly, which was not a good sign when holding a gun. But the worst was his eyes. As Robin turned towards him Nick could see they were so bloodshot as to almost be completely red, dark rings staining the fur around his eyes from what seemed like a constant trickle of tears. His nose wasn’t much better, streaks of fresh blood coming from each nostril.

 _Bloody hell Robin, what happened to you?_ Nick asked himself. Rob had always been bad, but this was the worst Nick had ever seen him. _Oh well, time for the reunion._

“Rob my old mucker, glad to see you!” he said actually finding that despite everything, he was. _Good, starting well on the “not lying” thing._

“Nickels! Ah shit man good to see you too!” Robin replied as Nick walked casually towards the other fox. “Ah ah ah!” Robin blurted out, turning the gun towards Nick. The way it waved erratically in a figure eight pattern made Nick stamp down hard on his nerves. “Not too close now Nickels! You’re still a cop after all.”

“Fair enough,” Nick said, letting the nickname by again. Robin had used it a lot when they were kids, since that was all he ever saw Nick seem to earn, nickels and dimes. He never figured out that they all added up over time.  He stopped just five metres away from Robin. He glanced to his side, noticing an empty apartment complex that went halfway up his. “Mind if I sit down?”

“Sure man, take a load of, we might be here a while.” Nick nodded a thank you, and sat on top of the building. Despite appearances, the apartments of Rodentia were tough, and it was more than capable of taking his weight. He sat for a couple of minutes, doing nothing to show Robin he wasn’t a threat.

“You’re doing well Wilde,” Colmillo said over Nick’s headset. “He seems calmer. Don’t forget the hostages though.”

“You mind if I take a look at the hostages? I got to confirm you haven’t hurt them, you know, show people you’re being true to your word?” Nick asked.

“Ha, as if they’d believe me anyway,” Robin chuckled back.

“They would if I vouched for you,” Nick said, keeping his toothless smile fixed. Robin considered this for a few seconds then nodded, gesturing towards the bus he held in place with his foot. Nick shuffled down off his seat and walked towards the raised railway line, which was just under head height for him, allowing him and easy view in to the bus…while also giving Robin a perfect headshot if he so chose.

 _Thank you brain, you’re doing great work today,_ Nick thought as he looked in to the bus. He saw the child rodents of various species hidden behind the four larger rodent teachers. They tried to make themselves smaller, most likely terrified of most foxes right now. “Hi everyone, I’m officer Wilde of the ZPD. How are you doing?” Nick asked in his most soothing voice.

“What, they sent another fox!?” one of the adults said before being shushed by the other three.

“Sorry about that Officer Wilde,” the largest rodent said, a large blue-grey rat. “Terry’s a good driver, but a bad public speaker. I’m Remy.”

“Nice to meet you Remy, call me Nick,” Nick said, extending a finger towards an open window of the bus. Remy stood for a second before extending a paw and shaking Nick by the finger. “How is everyone?”

“OK considering,” Remy said with a forced cheerfulness. He was obviously trying his best to stay calm, and Nick had to admire how well he was pulling it off considering. It was obvious he was the spokesmammal for the group, he carried himself well and barely showed any fear.

“You a teacher?” Nick asked.

“Yeah, history."

“Not my best subject unfortunately. I was good on the debate team though,” Nick said and chuckled, hoping the fact gave the rat some hope. “The kids OK? Any injuries? You need any food, water? Anyone need the bathroom?”

“Just a few bruises from when we were carried here, we’re doing good for food and drinks now. Though a bathroom break would probably be welcome.”

“Good Wilde,” Colmillo cut in. “If he's not being cruel to the kids, that'll help Robin. You’re doing well…one moment…Bogo wants a word.”

“Wilde, Bogo here. There’s a small open-air rail platform a bit closer to the entrance you came through, about 20 metres away. They’ll have toilets there. It’s also has less cover so we can see what’s happening easier. Think you can convince Locksley to move there?”

“OK I’ll see what I can do,” Nick said, looking directly at Remy so it looked like he was responding to the rat rather than any chatter on his radio, though Robin could obviously see he had one. “Rob, some of these kid’s bladders are getting full. Think we could all go over to that train station? Let them use the bathroom?”

“Hell no!” Robin said “They’ll just escape!”

“Rob, they’re frightened out of their minds, and the train station is just a block of concrete in the middle of two tracks. There’s nowhere to run to.” Nick responded. “Plus, it’ll help with the negotiations if you show a little kindness.”

Robin considered the request for a few seconds. “Fine, but you’re carrying the bus.”

“Fair enough, need to work on by biceps anyway,” Nick said. “Remy, can you get the kids strapped in while I carry you to the rail platform. I’ll try and be as gentle as possible.”

“Sure thing Nick,” Remy replied and hustled the children as he and the other adults started making sure the kids were secure in their seats. After thirty seconds Remy gave Nick and thumbs up. Nicked picked up the bus gingerly in both arms. He adjusted his grip slowly, making sure his right arm was tucked underneath the vehicle, getting coated in grease and dirt in the process, while his left held it to his chest. The kids inside squealed a little but settled after he had made sure to stand still for a second so they could calm down. He turned towards Robin, who gestured him forwards indicating he lead the way. A few seconds later outside the platform, Nick placed the bus down carefully.

“OK guys, go in groups of six. One adult, five kids OK? And all use the same bathroom. Boys just ignore the “girls only sign” for now alright?” Nick said, taking the initiative, as Robin didn’t raise any objections.

“You’re doing good Nick,” Colmillo cut in again. “He hasn’t realised you’re the one in charge, but be patient. Don’t over step. Judy wants a word.”

“Nick how’re you holding up?” Judy came in, her voice all concern.

“One second Fluff,” Nick said before turning to Robin. “Rob, you mind if I have a quick word with my partner?”

“What? You working out a date?” Rob said while he suppressed a laugh. “Go ahead.”

“Thanks Rob, you’re a gentle-mammal,” Nick said, giving a two fingered salute. “Yeah Carrots I’m OK? You?”

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me!” Judy said , annoyance in her voice. “You’ve got to be careful, please Nick.”

“I’m fine Judy, really. Rob’s being a gracious host,” he replied, giving Rob a thumbs up. As he did, he kept a careful eye on the school bus. The third group of kids was just heading to the bathroom. He needed to find out what Robin wanted.

“So Rob, what happened?” Nick asked, turning towards his old friend. “I mean, no offence, but you look like shit, even by your standards. And why did you want to talk to me?”

“I got in trouble again Nick,” Robin said sadly. “Like real big trouble.”

“Yeah I can see that,” Nick said before realisation dawned. “But you don’t mean with this, do you? I must admit I was surprised to see you in this situation Rob. Last I knew you were going out with…what’s her name. Marian right? Hell you said you were gonna get a job. I remember thinking you were crazy! Working within the law and all. Ha! Shows how things turn out I guess,” Nick chuckled, considering the irony.

“I got her pregnant…” Robin replied, while keeping his eyes on the last group of children going to the bathroom.

“Aw man, congratulations!” Nick said, but even as he said it he knew it was the wrong thing to say. The look on Robin’s face told him a good deal of the story. “But I don’t get how that leads you here.”

Robin sighed, and reached in to his pocket, immediately, multiple shouts could be heard in Nick’s ear piece. “Everyone calm down! It’s just his wallet. Honestly it’s like you’ve never seen a father show off pictures of his daughter before,” he said, as Robin handed him the wallet. He looked down at an adorable female fox cub, asleep. “What’s her name?” he asked, handing the wallet back.

“Gywn,” Robin replied, as more sadness entered his voice. “That picture was taken two months ago, and that was the last time I saw her.”

“Ah,” Nick exclaimed as he started to see the picture. “Marian didn’t want you around her, right?”

“She said I was a bad influence!” Robin started shouting and waving the gun wildly. The hostages huddled in the bus in fear.

“Robin calm down alright! This isn’t helping! Look I’ll do what I can but if you don’t keep calm there’s two snipers and two metric tonnes of TUSK officers with itchy trigger fingers!”

“OK, OK, I get it Nick,” Robin said as he stopped gesticulating.  “But yeah she said I was a bad influence, all because I borrowed some money to score some coke. I mean, it was just the once and I was going to pay it back! I mean yeah two grand is a lot but I could have made it back.”

“Did you?” Nick asked, knowing the answer.

“Well no, but she never gave me the chance! I tried calling her! Then I started following her, but she put a restraining order on me! So I figured well, if I could give her the money back with interest, and a little for me, maybe she’d let me see Gywn again! So I remembered that heist John pulled a few years back.”

“John, the grizzly?”

“Yeah man him! He made a few hundred grand ripping off cars from Rodentia. I didn’t think I needed as much, but I thought how hard can it be, ya know? And well…here we are,” he gestured, waving his arms vaguely to the general area.

Nick sighed, _typical Rob. No thoughts of the consequences of his actions._ “So…why’d you ask for me Rob?”

“Because if anyone can get me out of this, you can! You were always helping me out Nick! Hell I don’t know how you did it, but you somehow managed to convince the entire ZPD that you’re on the up and up! So tell me, how’d you do it? Who’d you bribe? You can get them to overlook this, right?”

“No one!” Nick said, slightly louder than he had wanted. “Seriously Rob, my hustling days are over. I’m a cop.”

“Keep it cool Nick, we don’t need two angry foxes out there,” Colmillo said in his ear. Nick forced himself to calm down.

“So…you can’t get help me?” Robin asked. Nick saw that fear had finally reached his old friend’s head and he started becoming twitchy.

“I didn’t say that Rob,” Nick said, his words seeming to calm Robin down. “Look Rob, I can help, but this is a negotiation right. So what do you want? Tell me that and maybe we can start working something out.”

“I want my little girl back…” Robin said, his voice barely audible. Nick had expected him to ask for money, which the city wouldn’t have given. “Can you do that for me?”

“I dunno Rob. The problem is you’ve taken a load of children hostage. That doesn’t scream “responsible parent” to anyone,” Nick said hoping against hope that Rob would get the hint. He didn’t of course. “Let the kids go Rob, you let those hostages walk free, and it might just convince some people you’re not such a bad guy.”

“Hah, nice try Nick. If I let them go, who have I got to bargain with?”

“Me,” Nick said flatly. He said it without thinking, but when he did it made sense. Bring the number of lives in danger down to one, his. “Look," he said, and started undoing the clasps of his bullet proof vest.

“Wilde, what the hell do you think you’re doing!?” Bogo’s voice shouted in his ear.

“Saving lives sir,” Nick answered back as he let the vest hit the road. “Look Rob, I’ve taken my only protection off, you’ve got the gun. You don’t need twenty-five hostages, just the one. Me. Let the kids go and we’ll start the proper negotiations.” He was pleading with his old friend, now hoping that he’d see sense. This was probably the only way they’d all get out of this alive. “Let my partner lead the kids and their teachers away and we’ll talk OK?”

Minutes went past as Robin went between stages of jitters, calm and just out right panic. Finally, he spoke up. “OK, she can take them away. But only her!”

“Yeah sure Rob, no worries,” Nick replied and then spoke directly into his radio. “You heard the man Carrots, get in here. Just walk, don’t run.”

“On my way."

“Excellent job Nick, after this I think we might have to discuss getting you actual training as a negotiator,” Colmillo chimed in. “Imagine what you could do if you weren’t making this up as you went along.”

“Yeah we’ll see,” Nick said, his heart hammering. “I’m gonna talk to the kids now, OK Rob?” Rob just shrugged noncommittally. “Hey Remy, get the kids ready, my partner's going to get you guys out of here.”

“Oh thank you Nick, thank you so much…” Remy said, followed by a chorus of  thanks from the rest of the bus.

A few seconds later Judy appeared from behind one of the larger building in the area, the local post office a few streets away, keeping her eyes on Robin. She chanced quick glance and smile at Nick, who nodded in kind.

“Hey everyone, I’m Officer Hopps, but you can call me Judy,” she said, addressing the kids directly and not the adults, keeping their focus on her. “We’re just gonna walk to the edge of town alright. Now who are the four oldest of you?” Four hands shot up in response. “Good, I want the rest of you to line up behind one of these guys and you all just need to walk up until the post office over there and turn left? Then just head straight to the big gate, you all got that?” A round of “Ah huh” and “yes” from the kids seemed to satisfy her. She then looked over to the adults. “You guys follow from the back OK, make sure none of them leave your sight. I’ll be right behind you.” She then looked up at Nick quizzically. Nick then turned to Rob, who nodded, but with hesitance. Judy took the signal and set the kids off ahead of her, then the adults, and then started to follow, taking very short, slow steps. As she did so, Nick moved in front of Rob, putting himself between Rob’s gun and Judy. Thinking it was OK to just keep an eye out, he moved his head slightly so he could see Judy and the group, hoping Rob wouldn’t shoot him while in his blind spot.

“I can see why you fell for her Nick. Just look at that ass! You always were an ass man,” Robin said.

“It helps I’ll admit,” Nick said and smiled smugly, unable to help himself. He saw Judy flinch just the tiniest bit as she seemed to try and force her normal sway to straighten out.

It took a few minutes due to their size, but to their credit, the hostages managed to make it to the street before the post office in perfect order. Suddenly a scream of “No wait!” from Rob caused the kids to almost panic. Judy managed to keep them calm as Nick turned back Rob who had become far more agitated within the last few seconds.

“I almost fell for it, you managed to get them away from me without a deal! You sneaky bastard Nick!”

“Rob calm down! I said after the rest of the hostages were gone we’d start the rest of the negotiations! You go back on that and we’re back to square one. I’m still your hostage. You still have leverage,” Nick said forcing himself to be as calm as possible with a crackhead and a loaded gun right in front of him.

“Oh like anybody will care what happens to a fox in this city! You grew up here, you know what it’s like for us! We never get a chance!” Robing started giggling now, something must have snapped in him as the fear, nerves and whatever the hell he had injected into himself this morning made him paranoid beyond reason. “Ha, maybe if I take out the celebrity bunny, people will take me seriously!” he screamed as he raised the gun.

Nick darted forward without thinking, grabbed Robin’s outstretched wrist in his right hand and pushed it up just as he pulled the trigger. The gun fired right next to his ear, causing it to ring. Nick started wrestling with his friend, jamming the webbing between his left paw’s thumb and index finger in front of the firing pin so Rob couldn’t shoot again. As he kept wrestling with the other fox, he started to make out the cacophony of voices in his other ear, as his radio had Bogo and Calmillo asking for a response then giving up and ordering the TUSK forces in. He risked a glance down the street where Robin had tried to fire, and saw Judy there hunched over the group of rodents, shielding them with her body. The sign of a nearby fast food restaurant had shattered as the bullet impacted, but had gotten nowhere near the group. _You always were a terrible shot Robin,_ Nick added internally.

“JUDY! GET THE HOSTAGES OUT OF HERE! NOW!” Nick screamed as he wrestled Robin back into an apartment building, windows and masonry cracking like cheap cardboard from the impacts. He tried slamming the gun against the corner of a building, but Robin was just strong enough to keep a grip. Suddenly, Nick’s chin became an explosion of pain as Robin managed to ball his other hand into a fist and deliver a surprisingly strong blow. Nick stumbled backwards, his feet stepping on a nearby car causing him to fall flat on his back. Before he could react, Robin raised the gun again, but didn’t fire. Nick rose and half turned, looking behind him, and breathed sigh of relief. Judy wasn’t there, she’d got the kids away. Before he could do anything else though, a loud bang went off, immediately followed by a supernova of pain in his left shoulder. Nick crumpled to ground again, crying out in pain, while shouts of “WILDE” and “NICK” thundered in his ears as everyone on the radio shouted at once.

The whole scene from when Robin tried to fire at Judy to Nick falling to the floor in pain had played out in less than fifteen seconds.

“THIS IS YOUR FAULT YOU TRAITOR!” Robin cried as Nick opened his eyes, seeing the fellow vulpine standing off him, the gun waving in front of him with no attempt at holding it straight. No wonder Robin hadn’t killed him. “I’LL NEVER SEE MY DAUGHTER AGAIN NOW BECAUSE OF YOU TRYING TO KEEP THOSE FUCKING RAT BASTARDS SAFE!”

“Rob, put the gun down!” Nick said, now that Judy and hostages were out of harm’s way, he was focused on saving his own neck. “The TUSK forces are going to be round that corner in seconds!” he continued, feeling the ground shake as at least a dozen very large armoured mammals were only metres away. “Throw down your gun and you’ll live, you’ll get to see her again! I promise!”

“I DON’T DESERVE TO BE IN HER LIFE!” Robin bellowed and raised the gun again, but instead of pointing it at Nick, he brought it up under his own muzzle. “ ** _TELL GWYN I LOVE HER_**!” he screamed just as the TUSK force rounded the corner, guns held in front of them.

He pulled the trigger.

The final shot seemed louder than Nick thought possible, his good arm was outstretched as he screamed “ **ROBIN** ” at the top of his lungs, but it was pointless. A chunk of gore splatted on the apartment building behind Robin, as his corpse fell backwards, taking out more windows on the building. He slumped against where his own blood had dripped down the side of the building. More started pooling behind him, his eyes open and lifeless, staring at nothing.

His hat landed nearby, a streaked with blood.

Nick thought he heard someone shouting his name, but couldn’t focus on anything but the corpse of a friend he had been speaking to mere moments ago and even that was swimming out of focus as tears started streaming down his face. Everything that made Robin who he was…gone. Nothing left but an empty shell of fur, bones, and organs. A shake sent pain surging through his shoulder as he finally turned towards its source. Judy was shouting at him, but he couldn’t make out what she was saying. He saw tears in her eyes as he didn’t respond. His sight was suddenly filled with Chief Bogo stepping in, also trying to speak to him, followed by Colmillo.

Not knowing what else to do, Nick let out a howl in anguish that echoed off the surrounding buildings.


	4. Aftermath

“Mom I’m fine really. Yes, I know I should have called but I’ve been kinda busy here at the hospital!” The voice was the first thing Nick heard as he regained consciousness. _Funny,_ he thought _. I don’t remember getting home and going to sleep…wait, this isn’t my bedroom. OH SHIT IS IT JUDY’S!? Wait no, I don’t think Judy’s room has beeping hospital equipment. Why does my shoulder hurt…_ suddenly the memories started flooding back, the hostages, **_Judy!_**  He sat up so fast it caused a jolt of pain to shoot through his shoulder as he shouted “JUDY!”

“Dammit!” Judy cried as she physically jumped in her seat to the side of Nick’s bed. “No mom it’s fine. Nick just woke up. Look I have to go alright…no you can’t talk to him! He literally just woke up from surgery! I’ll call you back!” she shouted as she hung up the phone. “Nick, lay back, relax!” she said as she climbed on to his bed.

“Judy? Are you OK? Are the hostages?” he said reaching out to her.

“Nick I’m fine, calm down. The kids are fine. You’re the only one who got hurt…” she said as she took his paw and tried to get him to lay back.

“That’s not entirely true is it…” Nick said hoarsely as more memories came back. “Robin…” he started but couldn’t continue, tears started blurring his vision.

“I’m sorry Nick…” Judy said as she drew closer and hugged him. He spent the next five minutes crying in to her shoulder, her uniform absorbing the tears. She stroked his head softly, just letting him do what he needed to do. Eventually the river of tears slowed to a trickle. She looked directly in to his eye and kissed him on the cheek. “Nicholas Wilde you are the bravest, dumbest fox I know.”

“Well we can’t all be sly bunnies,” Nick replied, smiling slightly. The kiss had done more to calm him down then any amount of medicine could. “How are the kids?”

“A bit shell shocked, but they’ll be fine. Some of them had nightmares last night.”

“Nightmares…how long was I out?”

“You’ve been out almost twenty-four hours. After Rob…after you collapsed at the scene they rushed you to hospital and got you in to surgery immediately. You passed out due to a combination of blood loss and shock.”

“Wait…but you’re still wearing the same uniform, it can’t have been…”

“I’ve been here all night dummy. Couldn’t leave my partner alone could I?” She smiled at him, ears turning pink with blush. “Your mom was here until six this morning, I told her to get some rest and I’d call her as soon as you woke up. I’ll go do that now and let Bogo and the doctors know you’re awake.”

“Bogo’s here? Still?”

“Oh he just got here a few minutes ago with Colmillo. They wanted to see how you were doing. Look I’ll be right back OK?” She started to move but hesitated, she moved back towards him and then planted a small kiss on his muzzle.

“Hey if this is the kind of treatment I get maybe I’ll get shot more,” he said, and regretted immediately as Judy punched him in his good arm. “OK OK I rescind my previous joke!”

“You better Wilde,” Judy said, wiping away a tear. “Be right back,” she said as she finally jumped off the bed and exited the room. Nick tried to lie back and get comfortable. After a minute or two, he was bored and found his room’s TV remote. He flicked on the TV which, because of the laws of narrative causality, went straight to the news.

“…well you know what they say Fabienne, if you can’t stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen,” the male anchor moose stated, shuffling papers.

“Indeed Peter,” the female leopard said turning to the camera. “The time is now five pm and we return to the headlines,” she said before the shot cut to another angle. “Continuing coverage of our top story, the bitter-sweet end of yesterday’s hostage crisis which ended with the safe rescue of the students of Elizabeth Brisby Elementary school. Although the children and teachers were saved, Officer Nicholas Wilde, seen here at his ZPD graduation ceremony, was shot in the execution of his duty and remains in serious condition at Savannah Central General Hospital.” she continued as Nick’s photo flashed up on screen. “The hostage taker, Robin Locksley of central Happytown, died at the scene of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head after he released the hostages.”  A photo of Robin was brought up on screen, a mugshot taken a few years ago. “Although some have criticised the ZPD for allowing a simple beat officer to take a major role in the negotiations, and some even being critical of Officer Wilde’s role despite the safe rescue of the hostages, teacher Remy Linguini who was part of the group of hostages, denounces those critics.” The scene suddenly cut to the rat Nick had spoken to during the hostage situation.

“Nicholas Wilde is a hero! If it wasn’t for him and Judy Hopps, the children and my colleagues would not be standing here today! Anybody who says otherwise has no idea what they’re saying. They’re both the bravest mammals I have ever met.”

“Do you have a message for Officer Wilde?” the off-screen interviewer asked.

“Yes,” Remy said, turning directly to the camera. “Thank you Nick, from the bottom of my heart, you saved so many lives and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to thank you enough. You’re a hero, no matter what anyone else says.”

“He’s right you know,” a gruff voice said as the television was muted. Nick turned and saw Chief Bogo standing next to him, not ever realising he had entered the room and picked up the remote. Next to him stood Colmillo and Judy, both smiling.

“I just did what needed to be done sir,” Nick replied without thinking.

“Of course, but if there’s a next time, I hope you won’t remove the bullet proof vest. Those uniforms are expensive,” he said, smiling. “How’re you feeling Wilde?”

“Horrible sir,” Nick said, his head starting to ache.

“I’ll bet. Look you’ll probably be in here a day or two. The doctors said your shoulder injury was mainly muscle damage which is healing fine. You’ll get your full mobility back within a couple of months. The first of which will be spent away from Precinct One, and after that only light duties **_if_** you feel up to it and I’m convinced of it as well. Understand?”

“That seems an awfully long time to be off duty sir,” Nick said confused, if the injury wasn’t as bad as he had first thought it was, why was he being given so much time away?

“Well you’ll need some time,” Colmillo cut in. “Not just for the physical wounds Nick.”

“What do you mean?”

“He means you’re also being ordered to mandatory counselling, twice a week for the next 3 months. More if needed,” Bogo said. Nick tried to say he didn’t need it, but the second he opened his mouth Bogo glared at him. “I already said it’s mandatory Wilde. You’re not coming back on duty without it, so don’t even bother,” he said, annoyance in his voice. His features softened. “You just saw an old friend kill himself mere feet away in front of you, I’ve had people quit for less and I don’t want to lose one of my best officers.”

“One of your best huh?” Nick said, genuinely taken back by the compliment. Bogo handed out praise so little, it was like finding a four leaf clover. You better grab it while you can because who know when you'll see another.

“Don’t let it swell your head further Wilde, you’re still miles behind Hopps,” Bogo added, which caused Judy to turn in astonishment. “Who, I might add will be making sure you attend those sessions. Seems she accrued some extra paid leave for the next month somehow,” he said, daring any of the mammals in the room to correct him. “Anyway, I’ve got to go deal with the press.  You should know that there’s going to be an inquiry into the hostage situation, it’s standard procedure. You’ve got nothing to worry about, but I’ll have to take a statement in the next few days after you’ve rested. Colmillo, come find me when you’re done.” With that, Bogo turned and left the room.

“How you doing kid? Not physically, I can tell that without looking,” Colmillo asked.

“I dunno...I was crying before,” Nick admitted deciding Colmillo probably wouldn’t be believe him if he lied. “But right now, just, kinda numb.”

“Yeah you’ll be a bit of an emotional hotbed for a while,” Colmillo said, placing a paw on Nick’s good shoulder. “Listen you’ll probably find people will be saying all sorts of stuff that you’re not going to process. They’ll be some truths there, like how it wasn’t your fault.” He paused, letting the statement sink in. “Really Nick, you were thrown in to a shitty situation, and quite frankly it ended up better than I imagined.”

“But…but Robin’s dead! How good is that!?”

“Better than you, him _and_ the hostage being dead,” Colmillo said calmly. “That’s the hard part kid, dealing with the simple mathematical truth. This could have ended up with twenty-six dead mammals, but it only ended in one. It’s a win, though you won’t think of it like that for a while, if ever. But it’s the truth. Robin got himself in that situation along with twenty-four innocent bystanders, and one not so innocent cop,” he added, smiling. “You got them out. Hell you probably did a better job in that situation with no training than any negotiator I know could have, myself included.” He paused, breathing in. “But trust me, you’re going to blame yourself, and it is going to take you a good while not to do so. You’re also probably going to get some people questioning your decisions. They’ll be an inquiry as Bogo said, and you are going to have to answer some very tough questions put to you by some Internal Affairs asshole who wasn’t there, will never be there, and will second guess you every step of the way. But yeah, Bogo’s right, you’ll be fine. I’ll be damned if anyone will try and pin any of this on you.” He removed his paw from Nick’s shoulder. “When you’re out of here, we’re going for that drink so you can talk when you’re not full of meds.”

Nick swallowed, it was a lot to take in. “Yeah, yeah Sarge. That’d be great.”

Colmillo nodded and made his way to the door. “Oh and your girlfriend can come too. Take care of him Hopps, he’s gonna need you.” He smiled, and left the room.

“Huh, why does he assume your my girlfreind?” Nick said turning to Judy.

“I think everyone’s just making the assumption now,” she replied shaking her head

“Well it’s not like I’ve even asked…”

“Nick would you like to go out with me?” Judy interrupted, stopping his sentence dead.

“Would I like to go out with you? Yes, yes I would.”

“Good. Would you like to be my boyfriend?”

“Uh Carrots, I think you missed a step.”

“Don’t care, we bunnies work fast…but not in all things,” she said, winking

 _Oh God, it’s the return of the bunny boner,_ Nick thought, crossing his legs under the sheets, something Judy obviously noticed. “In that case Carrots, yes, I’ll be your boyfriend.”

Judy punched the air in excitement, before calming herself. “Ahem, well good. So, when you get out of here do you want to…” she started when her phone started ringing. “Urgh, hold on,” she said, as she pulled out her phone, clicking the accept call button.

“Mom for God’s sake I said I’d call you back! Yes I’m still busy, surprisingly when your partner gets shot there’s a lot of stuff you need to do! No you calm down! I mean Jesus mom, I’m trying to make sure Nick is OK! Yes, he’s awake. You know what, yes mom, yes. He’s my boyfriend now. You happy? Wait, why would it matter to you if I was a lesbian? There’s at least forty gay members of our family. YOU MADE A BET WITH DAD? Who won? Well Dad was always better at betting than you. NO YOU CAN’T TALK TO HIM! Why? Because I’m pretty sure he should speak to his OWN mother first, you know, after the surgery for the gunshot wound? OH SWEET CHEESE AND CRACKERS! Mom look, I got to go, and if you try and call me back within the next twenty-four hours I will block your number for a week, OK? YES, I MEAN IT!” she said and pressed the end call button. “You know it’s time like these I wish I owned a landline, so I could slam it down while hanging up.”

“I hear there’s an app for that,” Nick said, smirking. “Your mother just worries about you.”

“She’s paranoid about what will happen to me is more like it,” Judy said. “Speaking of mothers, yours is on the way. I offered to pick her up, but she insisted on me staying in bed with…I mean by your bed,” she corrected.

“I’m glad for the clarification,” Nick said, as his mind started, then instantly rejected the notion of his mother making comments on his sex life. “I’d rather get shoot myself in the head than think she would give that advice!” he continued …and instantly he was back at that awful moment again, and everything was so vivid. The slight click before the gunshot, the smell of burning powder as it fired, the horrible soft sound as the bullet impacted flesh, the horrible vivid grey and claret as Robin’s brain came out the back of his skull. He felt weak, like he couldn’t breathe, he started to scream. He heard multiple voices around him, shouting his name, but he couldn’t focus. His head had begun throbbing with so much pain it made him want to cry out again.

Suddenly he felt something else, a comfortable feel of warmth on his chest and a tight, yet soft pressure around his ribs, along with familiar, pleasant scent of rabbit. He looked around and found he was back in the hospital. His chest was on fire and his pulse was racing but was beginning to slow. His breath had returned, harsh and ragged and with every time he breathed in the burning he felt in his chest subsided. He looked down and saw Judy, her head buried in his chest and arms wrapped around his back. His breath continued to slow and returned to normal, along with his heart rate. The pain in his shoulder had increased ten-fold, so he gritted his teeth and tried to will it away, which only marginally helped.

“Officer Wilde, can you hear me?” a voice said as he turned and finally noticed a bespectacled caribou in a white coat looking in to his eyes, flanked by what he assumed were two nurses, a warthog and jackal.

“Yeah, yeah Doc…” Nick finally responded, his throat felt dry and pained. “What happened?”

“I was hoping you could tell me,” the doctor said as he sat in the chair that Judy had been in mere moment ago. “I’m Dr Blitzen. You gave us quite a scare there. Your heart rate went to, in medical terms ‘ludicrous speed’. Try not to blink,” the doctor suggested as he brought up a small torch and checked Nick’s eyes. The two nurses bustled around his bed, one checking the heart monitor, while the other checked the IV bag for his pain medication. She apparently deemed it to be empty enough to replace it with a new bag. Nick felt the pain in his shoulder finally start to ease off as she started the flow.

“I...I’m not sure,” Nick said as the doctor withdrew his torch. “It was like I was back there…when Robin shot himself,” he said, the heart monitor started to beep a little faster, until he Judy tighten her grip even more in response.

“Yeah, I was afraid of that,” the doctor said, nodding to the nurses. “You can go, I think Officer Wilde has exactly what he needs right there,” gesturing to Judy. The two nurses smiled and left the room. “It seems advising Chief Bogo of the need for counselling will be exactly what you need Officer Wilde.”

“That was your doing?” Nick asked.

“Yes, and while it is very early to say for sure, and we have a few more tests to do before I can confirm completely, I would say you had a violent flashback, and the subsequent panic attack you just experienced, are classic symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. “

“Are you sure?”

“If I’m honest, no. While symptoms of PTSD can occur immediately after such an incident, it takes more than one case of this to be completely sure. That’s part of why I suggested the counselling to Chief Bogo. Even if you don’t have PTSD, I wouldn’t be surprised if you have a hard time for a little while after such a traumatic experience.”

“But I’ve seen horrible things like murders while at work before, hell, I’ve seen a lot of bad things happen before I joined the force,” Nick said, struggling to believe what the doctor was saying. He’d always thought of himself as a mentally strong mammal.  He felt Judy hug him even tighter. He found himself wrapping his arms around her, which caused her to ever so slightly loosen her grip. He then started to feel small drops of water running down his chest and realised Judy had been silently crying.

“That doesn’t matter, I’ve seen war veterans come back from their tour of duty and be completely normal, until one day they get in to a car crash and that’s what caused their own cases to start. It has nothing to do with how strong you are, or think you are. It can happen to any one for any reason,” he sighed, adjusting his glasses. “Again, that’s why I recommended the counselling to Chief Bogo, which I’m even more glad of at this point. Hell I might be wrong and you never experience such an attack again, but imagine if you did while at work? Or driving? I’d rather be safe than sorry.”

“I suppose,” Nick said begrudgingly. He wasn’t really sure the doctor was right, but hey, if a few hours of lying on a comfy couch talking about his feelings, or at least pretending to, would give him some paid time off from the ZPD with Judy, he’d just have to deal with it.

“In the meantime, I suggest you do not do anything stressful for a while, try and relax,” the doctor said. He looked down and smiled “And while your shoulder will heal, I would suggest giving it at least a week before engaging in anything too… _strenuous_.”  Nick felt his cheeks flush, hidden by his fur, though he did notice Judy getting a little warmer as well. “I would also recommend either staying with somebody for at least a few days to help you, since you'll be needing a sling for that shoulder for a while. Perhaps your mother?”

“I doubt it. Mom’s got enough of her own health issues to worry about without adding mine to them,” Nick said.

“You can stay with me!” Judy said, making Nick and the doctor jump since she’d been so silent for the last few minutes.

“No offence Fluff, but your apartment can barely fit you in it, never mind me.”

“Well I’ll just have to stay at your place then!” Judy said without hesitation. “Unless you don’t want me to,” she said quietly, before turning the most ludicrous pair of puppy eyes he’d ever seen to Nick.

 _Can’t look away! Too cute! Must resist…fuck,_ Nick thought before saying “OK fine. But I warn you, my place is a pig sty. “

“And what’s wrong with that?!” a shout from the door came. Everyone turned to see the warthog nurse from earlier return with a tray of food for Nick.

“Which by that I mean it is absolutely spotless,” Nick said hurriedly, putting on his third most charming smile. The pig grunted noncommittally, before placing the food on the wheeled table beside him and exiting the room.

“Oh don’t worry about Carla, she’ll be OK, though she might be a little rough next time we check your blood pressure,” Dr Blitzen said as he stood. “I’ve got to check on some other patients. You try and get some rest.” He then turned to Judy “Officer Hopps, I don’t suppose it would mean anything if I said visiting time will be over in two hours?” Judy shook her head silently. “In that case, Officer Wilde’s bathroom has a shower with some clean towels,” he chuckled, shaking his own head in response as he left.

“Well, first you ask me to be your boyfriend before we have our first date, now you’re moving in with me? Should I expect the ring by noon tomorrow?” Nick asked.

“I would punch you if you weren’t already in hospital,” Judy replied.

“You already punched my good shoulder earlier.” 

“Seriously Nick, how are you? That panic attack was scary,” Judy asked, her ears drooping.

“Yeah I’m OK Carrots, really. You don’t have to look after me,” Nick said, trying to be as reassuring as possible.

“What, the big brave fox doesn’t want to be seen getting help from the little bunny? Too bad Nick,” she said, her face setting in determination. “I’m helping you heal or so help me or you’ll need two slings and a leg cast before you leave here.”

“I’m pretty sure police intimidation is illegal Officer Fluff.”

“This isn’t intimidation; this is genuine concern from a girlfriend…who just so happens to be licensed to carry a gun.”

“Remind me not to ask what happened with your ex-boyfriends,” Nick said, only slightly scared.

“Oh you can. Just don’t ask where the bodies are,” Judy said with the straightest face Nick had ever seen her pull.


	5. Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Internal affairs has some questions, and Nick decides he doesn't like giving answers to the one who deserves them most.

It had been a week since Nick had been discharged from the hospital and the first time he’d been out of his apartment. He wished it had been under better circumstances and not sitting in a random glass office in the ZPD while waiting to be questioned (not interviewed, he’d been slightly worried at that wording). He’d must have relived what had happened a dozen times since then, mainly in statements he had made to Bogo during his rest. To his credit, the buffalo obviously didn’t want to be doing it, but it was his job. Nick appreciated that at least. He’d gotten better at recounting the details without getting upset, though he suspected this was more to with Judy’s reassuring presence in the room than anything else.

The happy memory calmed him, and wished she was here now. She was currently chatting to Clawhauser in the main foyer while he had been directed to this room by Francine. Since he’d been discharged Judy had kept to her word and temporarily muoved in with him. His apartment, while bigger than hers, was still barely up to the task. Judy had taken to sleeping on his couch.

At least at first.

It had been about four nights ago when Nick had the worst nightmare he had ever had in his life. It had started out inconspicuously enough, actually presenting itself as one of his more pleasant reoccurring dreams involving him in his old hustling grounds when a sultry police-vixen with what he swore was a non-regulation uniform had come to “arrest him for public indecency.” Nick always argued that he hadn’t done any such thing… _yet_. Things generally proceeded quite pleasantly from there, and even more so in the last few months when the vixen had been replaced by a certain rabbit.

However, that night was different. Just as things in the dream were getting interesting (handcuffs were involved) there was the loudest bang Nick had ever heard. He looked around trying to find the source of the noise but nothing was obvious. Suddenly, the rabbit who had been inspecting him for hidden weapons (with her mouth) looked up and asked if he was OK. Nick went to reply…and noticed the gaping head wound. He could see clearly through Judy’s skull. Blood dripping, fragments of skull and brain matter in a ragged circle. He went to scream but couldn’t, he blinked rapidly, each time the face in front of him replaced with someone else, Bogo, Finnick, his mother, and back to Judy.

He’d woken up screaming, panting heavily as Judy practically drop kicked the door as she ran in. She leapt on the bed and wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest, his heart hammering against her head. It soon slowed, and he wrapped her arms around her and laid down. When he woke up the next morning, he was pleasantly surprised to see her still there, but during the night she had turned around, spooning her smaller body in to his. It was a perfect fit.

Since that night, they’d slept in the same bed. That was it so far, but Nick was pretty sure Judy could feel a certain rising sensation when she shifted her butt in to him, though she never mentioned it. She seemed perfectly content in her position, his arms wrapped around her, her long ears laying against her back, sometimes just stroking the top of his underwear.

He was just beginning to wonder if an “ear-job” was a thing for bunnies when the door behind him opened, and two smartly dressed officers walked in. Nick recognised them from the time they had spoken to him in the hospital and around the precinct before then. The larger of the two, a black panther, extended an arm in greeting. “Officer Wilde.”

“Lieutenant Bagheera,” Nick responded, taking the proffered hand. Aarav Bagheera was somebody Nick had talked to a handful of times on friendly if somewhat polite terms, as was usually the case for Internal Affairs officers. Though he understood the need for them, no street officer wanted to admit to the possibility of any corruption in the force, or have to choose between their duty and ratting on their friends if it came to that. Bagheera, while uptight, came across as a completely fair mammal, which is why Nick leaned towards liking him. The other officer however, he’d rather not have to deal with. “Sergeant Akela,” Nick said, turning to the brown she-wolf who had just sat down in front of him with not even the slightest attempt at professional courtesy.  Sergeant Bhrast Akela was known for the fanatical resolve she had for taking down corrupt officers, even the times where she had been completely wrong about those she had pursued, and never apologised to. _To her credit_ , Nick thought, _at least she’s definite. She may fuck things up so monumentally that they require an **actual** monument, but you could crush diamonds with that stubbornness. _

 “Mr Wilde,” the wolf said, in a way that made Nick immediately wary. It had been her who had said he was needed for “questioning” on the phone.

“I think you mean Officer Wilde,” Nick countered as she took a seat across from him. She raised an eyebrow quizzically as the Lieutenant sat next to her. The panther had a slight frown on his face as he glanced over to the junior officer.

“Thank you for agreeing to this interview, _Officer_   Wilde,” Bagheera said, with emphasis, glancing to his partner again. Somebody here obviously thought this was a waste of time. Nevertheless, he brought out a small digital recorder and placed it on the desk in front of Nick. If he was going to be here, he looked like he was going to do things properly.

“No worries,” Nick claimed smoothly, his exterior calm.

“This won’t take long,” Bagheera said, opening up a manilla folder he had brought in with him.

“It will take as long as it takes, sir,” Akela cut in, giving her superior a dirty look.

“Of course,” Bagheera replied without looking up from his paperwork, the same calm exterior. Nick had the feeling he was looking at somebody who was an expert at locking down their emotions, just as he was.

“Well what can I do for you Lieutenant?” Nick asked, deciding to address only the panther as much as possible.

“We just wanted to clarify a few things from the unfortunate incident, mainly regarding your relationship to the victim, Robin Locksley” Akela said, before Bagheera could.

 _Well what else did I expect?_   Nick thought turning to the wolf. He got the sneaking suspicion he knew which of the officers here was pushing for this.

“Victim, and kidnapper,” Nick pointed out, though he still felt loathed to admit Robin had done such a thing. The same, too familiar tight feeling in his chest began to appear, he swallowed and forced himself to calm down.

“Are you feeling OK Officer?” Bagheera asked, genuine concern on his features.

“It’s just still hard to talk about” Nick admitted, hating himself for it. He was starting get sick of people seeing these moments of weakness, especially Judy. He’d gone from a cool collected con fox to a bag of nerves in less than a year.

“Sergeant, could you get Officer Wilde some water please?” Bagheera said, keeping his eyes on Nick. The wolf grunted, but made her way to a water cooler that was far closer to the panther than it was her. Nick approved of the move though, it reminded the wolf who was in charge without the fallout of the smack to the back of the back of the head, which he felt the Lieutenant would have much preferred. The wolf placed the cup of water next to Nick with exaggerated care, somehow managing to convey sarcasm with mere body language.

“Thank you,” Nick said, putting on his seventh best smug grin, since she didn’t deserve higher. He drank the water gratefully before continuing. “Well what did you want to know? Everything I said in my statement to Chief Bogo remains true.”

“No doubt,” Bagheera said, glancing through the report. “We just need to make sure we’ve dotted the i’s and crossed the t’s at this point before submitting our conclusion. The main thing we have to be sure of, however, is your prior relationship with the deceased.”

“Oh…” Nick replied, not sure where they were going with this.

“Well you indicate in your statement that you grew up with Robin Locksley. You also state that you occasionally gave him money from time to time, which you admitted was probably to pay off drug debt?”

“Seems to be a rather charitable act you Wilde,” Akela said, making Bagheera roll his eyes. “Or at least how you were before you turned over a new leaf.”

“Well a lot of us foxes only had each other growing up. We tried to look out for each other due to the unfair prejudice of us being untrustworthy. Mammals can be so unkind.”

“However, did you not once admit to being such a fox in the Night Howler fiasco? Something about there being ‘no point showing people anything else?’ Seems like a pretty accurate character statement to me.”

Before Nick could start shouting bloody murder at the wolf for daring to use the first time he had opened up to Judy against him, Bagheera stood up so fast he knocked his chair over. “Sergeant. A word. _Outside. **Now!**_ ” he snarled, stomping over to the door and holding it open for the wolf. “Excuse us for a moment Officer Wilde,”  he said, trying to control his emotions again. He stepped outside, and closed the door, which muffled the sound just enough that Nick had to strain to hear it.

“I warned you Akela…”

“But sir! He’s a fox, they’re all dirty! There’s never been a fox officer before him! He must be some expert level swindler to get on the force and he managed to finally fuck up enough for me to get him!”

“Akela, I want to know what this is about. I’ve already had Bogo riding me for your little unsubstantiated outburst in his office.”

“Oh he can’t touch us, we’re Internal Affairs!”

“And he is the chief of Precinct One, the most respected precinct in the city. Which means he has a lot of political clout with the current mayor. Hell I would not be surprised if he was up for commissioner in the next five years! Oh and he’s built like a brick shithouse! Which means you do not piss him off without any proof!”

“I already have the proof! You saw the video of the fuck up that fox caused! He got that drug using flea bag killed! He must have said something for him to do it!”

Nick’s heart stopped.  _She’s right, it’s all my fault. I did it. I killed Robin. I wasn’t smart enough to save him. He’s dead because of me. I killed him. I killed him. **IkilledhimIkilledhimIkilledhimIkilledhimIkilledhim.** _ The thought ricocheted around his head and wouldn’t stop. His chest started burning again as his vision darkened and his hearing just refused to work. So much so he never even realised what happened next.

“Akela, I’ve had enough,” Bagheera exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration. “Bringing up a random comment from before he was even a police officer and yet helped the most famous cop in the city is irrelevant! And knowing you, probably taken out of context! Even if you had anything else, it would never hold up in court! You’re going to march in there, and tell Officer Wilde that the case against him is closed or so help me I’ll have you busted back to a beat cop so fast your uniform will get scorch marks! Hell, never mind that, we’ll probably just stick you in records so your mouth doesn’t get us in more trouble!”

“Don’t you see! He’s got you convinced too! He’s got to be the most devious fox ever!”

“That’s it! Either go in there now or you’re suspended pending a full investigat…”

“Wait, do you hear that!?” Akela shouted, but before Bagheera could reply the wolf burst in to the room followed by the panther. They saw Nick curled up in the chair, tears streaming down his face. He’d started screaming **_“IKILLEDHIMIKILLEDHIMIKILLEDHIMIKILLEDHIM,”_** all the while burying his claws in to his head so hard blood began pooling under them.

“You see!? He’s confessing! Nicholas Wilde I am arresting you for the murder of one Richard Locksley,” Akela said, smiling as she went to restrain the fox.

“ ** _WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?_** ” the enraged tones of Chief Bogo arrived moments before he did. “ ** _WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO MY OFFICER!?_** ”

“I’m arresting him!” Akela replied, turning to the huge water buffalo, only filching slightly. “He’s confessing!” She grabbed at Nick’s wrist which momentarily snapped the fox out of his madness mantra. Without thinking he swiped at the wolf, missing her by inches, causing him to lose his balance and fall from the chair. He felt a dull thud on the side of his head before collapsing to the ground, the blackness around his eyes finally becoming all consuming.

 

* * *

 

 Nick awoke slowly, his head pounding. His blurry vision began to clear and he saw four figures gathered around him. The closest, of course, being Judy.

“NICK!” she screamed and held him tight. From somewhere in the background the high pitched “EEEEEEE!” of Clawhauser assaulted his skull, causing the pain to ratchet up. He tried to sit up from his prone position, but a second stab of pain from his shoulder told him that was a bad idea.

“Carrots…wha? Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital again,” Judy said, wiping tears away. “You dumb fox, you tripped and hit your head on the table.”

“I tripped?”

“Yeah I thought you foxes were supposed to be light on your feet?” Clawhauser said shuffling up.

“Clawhauser, everyone is light on their feet compared to you,” Nick said. The multiple mammals in the room seemed to relax, considering that whatever else had happened, if Nick could snark like that he hadn’t gotten brain damage.

“Oh you doubt my moves Nick? I’ll have you know I can move with the best of them! Just ask the Chief!” Clawhauser said in mock offence.

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about,” Bogo said, his glare daring the cheetah to continue. “Besides, you didn’t exactly trip, did he Lieutenant?” he continued, turning aside to let Bagheera to the front of the group.

“No, he didn’t,” Vaghera said, shaking his head. “Officer Wilde, I would first off like to let you know that the inquiry into the hostage situation has been closed, with no marks or charges to be brought against you for your conduct. I appreciate your co-operation during this difficult time.” He paused and sighed. "With that out of the way, I would like to personally apologise for the conduct of my probably soon-to-be-former colleague, Sergeant Akela.”

“What happened?” Nick asked, the pain in his head making it hard to follow the conversation.

“In short, she acted unprofessionally, letting her ignorance and hatred guide her in this case. She has had…issues with a couple of foxes in the past. It gave her some trust issues that also gave her a somewhat useful ability to tell the truth from bullshit, which is why she was such an asset to Internal Affairs. Unfortunately, it also clouded her judgement when it came to you. An honest fox? She couldn’t handle it. Because of this, she acted horribly towards you, causing you to react to extreme provocation. It seems in your panic attack, as I believe Ms. Hopps described it, you lashed out, and hit your head on the office table. You were rushed to hospital when you didn’t immediately wake up.”

“Wow, I get up to all sorts of things when I’m not paying attention,” Nick said groaning, his head throbbing in protest at having to be awake. “Where’s Akela now?”

“Suspended, pending an investigation in to her actions. Most likely she won’t be coming back.”

“I don’t want her to lose her job! I don’t want to press charges or anything!” Nick shouted, causing more pain in his head.

“That’s not up you Wilde,” Bogo cut in. “She assaulted a police officer on police property.”

“Yeah,” Judy said, looking up in to Nick’s eyes. “Let’s just say if Bogo wasn’t there, you probably would have company in this room. Because I would have beaten her within an inch of her life.”

“In the interest of not making this a bigger mess than it already is, I’ve suddenly gone deaf,” Bagheera said, looking down at Judy. “I’m glad you’re okay Officer Wilde. Now if you’ll excuse me, Akela has just given me some involuntary overtime. I hope the next time we meet is under better circumstances.”

“I’ve got to go too, mainly for the same reason,” Bogo added, turning towards the door. He paused and turned back “Before I forget the doctors have informed me that you landed on your shoulder, causing it to inflame, meaning it’ll take longer to heal. Congratulations, you just got another week off.” He looked down at Judy. “So have you. I swear Wilde, if you put this much effort in to your job than getting out of it, Zootopia would be crime free in six months.” Bogo let out a snort as he followed Bagheera out.

 _Great,_ Nick thought. _So not only am I pretty sure I’ve killed someone, I've gotten a cop fired,  and started to make Bogo question if I can do my job._

“What did you say?” Judy asked aghast. Nick turned and saw the outright horror in her eyes.

“I said that out loud, didn’t I?” Nick finally said.

“Nick, what the hell are you thinking! None of this is your fault! And Bogo was joking!”

“How can you tell?”

“You can still hear can’t you?” Judy said, raising her paw to his cheek. “Nick, I’m scared, this isn’t like you.”

“Sorry Judy,” Nick said. “It’s just been a long day.”

“Yeah I suppose, another one in a string of them,” she replied. She smiled at Nick, though he could tell she was holding back tears. “Please Nick, you know you can tell me anything right?”

 _And see you on the verge of tears again Judy? No chance in hell. I can deal with this,_ Nick thought. But he said “Sure I know Carrots, but I’m fine” making sure to put on his best confident face for his favourite girl.

Judy looked at him…oddly for a second, but replied “OK, but tell you what. The doctor said you’ll probably be out of here tomorrow, and I think it would do you some good to get out of Zootopia for a while. So we’re going to my family's farm. No excuses.”

“Meeting your parents Fluff? Seriously, is there going to be a surprise wedding ceremony when we get there?”

“Well if I told you it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?” she answered. “Besides, the fresh air will help you heal quicker,” she said, her ears beginning to turn pink again.

“Oh…and why would you be interested in that?” Nick asked, the pain in his head starting to be replaced with other thoughts. Judy went to reply, stopped herself, then jumped off Nick’s bed. She then looked out the door of Nick’s room and closed it, then moved a chain under the handle.

“Let’s just say, this is a preview and an incentive,” Judy said, as she crawled back on to Nick’s bed, pulled aside the sheets, and moved his hospital gown up. She licked her lips as her mouth descended towards her target.

The last coherent thought Nick had before the ability was temporarily disabled was, _Huh, so some dreams do come true OH SWEET FOX JESUS!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah that's probably the closest you're getting to smut in this. I find dancing on the line of innuendo funnier.


	6. Rest, Relaxation, Racism, and Repression.

It turned out Judy was right, a week in Bunnyburrow was exactly what Nick had needed. The last five days he had spent here had been the most relaxing he’d had in years. And even the less than relaxing times hadn’t been that bad.

Things had started well enough, especially since Judy’s little oral demonstration in the hospital. Due to his injuries they hadn’t been able to fully explore their physical need for each other, though this hadn’t stopped them “playing.”  One particular session had started while on the train to Judy’s hometown. Nicks cheeks and ears began to heat up at the happy memory as he had used his good arm to show Judy how dexterous his long fox fingers were, while she had given on encore show of exactly what a bunny’s mouth could do. The fact they were on a late night train, with the only other mammal in the far corner helped matters, meaning even though they had arrived in Bunnyburrow in the early hours of the morning, they were both very well rested and alert.

There had also been the pleasant surprise that her mother and father had actually prepared a single room for him and Judy to use while they visited. The stories Nick had told Judy of how her parents had been the ones to provide her with the fox repellent he had noticed when they first met, and had subsequently burned to ashes in a small fire back at the bridge some months back, had him slightly worried about their reactions to their daughter sleeping with him. While there was small bit of awkwardness, mainly from her father Stu, who had become so flustered at the thought Nick couldn’t help but find it adorable and hilarious, her mother had been far more comfortable with the situation. They’d chatted for a half-hour before being lead to Judy’s old room, and had contentedly napped in each other’s arms (or arm in Nick’s case) until the smell of breakfast woke them a few hours later.

That had been the tensest breakfast of Nick’s life.

The sheer amount of relatives Judy had was, quite frankly, ridiculous. Yes, she had told him she had 275 brothers and sisters, but he’d just assumed she was exaggerating. Most rabbit families he’d seen tended to only go to a couple of dozen siblings. He should have known she hadn’t exaggerated in the slightest, this _was_ Judy after all. Rabbits of all ages had crowded in to the banquet hall she had affectionately called ‘the breakfast nook.’ In truth it was more like the cafeteria back at precinct, with a long glass covered bar in front of a kitchen filled with various different foods ranging from fruits, eggs, vegetables and fried potatoes. There had been some concern from Judy’s mother if they had anything that Nick would eat, which also had every single bunny in the hall go so silent, Nick could swear he could hear some of the more nervous heartbeats. After he informed him he was mostly vegetarian however, things went back to their normal chaos.

He and Judy had then spent the next two days together as she showed him around the farm, and then the town. At first Nick had been freaked out just by how quiet Bunnyburrow was, at least compared to Zootopia. While there was a huge bustle during the morning and afternoon school runs (mainly due to Judy’s family, it had to be said) the rest of day was quiet. He assumed it was busier during the weekends, but here in the armpit of the week, he was on the lookout for tumbleweeds.

The quiet had allowed for plenty of pleasant walks with Judy as his injuries healed. Hell after the second day his shoulder felt well enough for him to do without the sling for most of the day, though Judy had carried it with her in a small backpack just in case he felt the need. Despite the movement however, the injuries were still taking their toll on Nick and they found themselves back at the house quite often, a lot of the time watching old movies from Judy’s collection she hadn’t managed to bring with her to the city. This was fine by Nick, as he got to learn more and more about Judy’s tastes in movies and shows, and found they overlapped with his quite a bit. Of course there was the cop movies and dramas, but there were also the terrible horror movies which they loved laughing at. Of a more pleasant surprise was their shared appreciation of animated TV shows and movies, a holdover from Nick’s truncated childhood. He’d started hustling at a very early age so never really got the chance to “grow out” of a liking cartoons, and he still watched them from time to time in his apartment. Judy meanwhile, seemed to enjoy the action orientated cartoons and movies about justice, truth and so forth, which made sense. So in between the movies where a mute psychopath would slaughter teenagers whose only sin was having sex and crime dramas involving the worst understanding of police procedure ever, there movies like Aladdie, Floatzen, and The Incredimules, and cartoons like Transfurmers, Sailor Usagi, and G.I. Doe.

Then there had been the incident two nights ago which Nick mused, was anything but unpleasant really. It had been a cool crisp night when Judy had dragged him from in front of the TV after a particulary ridiculous episode of Transfurmers (seriously, how the hell was MegaFox planning to take over the Earth with a giant purple griffin? Have it confuse the hell out of Hoptimus Prime?). She said she needed to clear her head after all “the stupid,” which Nick couldn’t really argue despite them both loving the show when they were kids. The cool night air had felt good on Nick’s aching shoulder, allowing a bit more movement than normal. Judy had lead him to a hill towards the edges of her family farm, away from the light that dotted the landscape, and asked Nick to look up.

For the first time since he was a kit, Nick saw the universe.

Away from the lights of the city, the night sky was a show for the entire world. He could see the constellations, Judy pointing out her favourites, alongside the  various colours of nebulae in various parts of the sky. He even saw a shooting star and tracked it down to the horizon, where his eyes rested on Judy, staring up in rapt attention as a flood of happy childhood memories raced through her. Nick tried to look back to the stars, but found his gaze constantly drawn to her. She was wearing tight denim shorts and white vest under an open pink flannel shirt, and her eyes reflected the stars above.

A few minutes past before Judy realised he wasn’t looking up. She turned and faced the fox. “Nick, what are you doing? You have the entire universe to look at here.”

“If it’s a choice between you and the universe Judy, I think I made the right choice.”

As cheesy as the line was, it turned out to be exactly the right thing to say. Judy launched herself at Nick and he duly allowed himself to be her landing pad. Minutes passed as clothes were torn off and the two made love under the stars for the first time _._ Judy did more than her fair share of the work due to his injuries, but Nick had vowed to make it up to her when he was fully healed. In the meantime, he would more than enjoy Judy’s almost boundless stamina.

In fact, there was so much of it that hours later, the two were so spent they fell asleep on the hill. Nick would have been perfectly fine with this, if not for they were woken by a group of Judy’s brothers and sisters who had been sent out searching for the two because Judy’s grandfather, affectionately known as Pop-Pop, was convinced Nick had devoured her.

“Only a little,” was the fox’s reply, which made Judy so embarrassed that she started running back to the farm to calm her grandfather down. It took her family a good minute to catch up and remind her to put her clothes back on.

Of course, this had gotten around the burrow within an hour and was the talk of the home for the rest of the day, which was actually to Nick’s benefit. While most of Judy’s family seemed perfectly fine with her dating, and now sleeping with a fox, he could tell others were less than enthused. To their credit though even they seemed to warm up him after a the incident. One of Judy’s sisters later explained to Nick that getting caught in embarrassing sexual situations was a rite of passage for a Hopps, one that Judy had been putting off for some time. The fact that it actually finally happened made them remember that despite all the heroic tales from the big city, Judy was still a Hopps, warts and all. With this and how people began to notice how good Nick and Judy were as a couple, it eased a lot of the remaining tension. Even Pop-Pop had started to only threaten to castrate the fox if he hurt his precious granddaughter, rather than just on general principle.

 _You take your victories where you can_ , Nick mused.

However, he was less successful some of the other residents of Bunnyburrow.

The day had started pleasantly enough, Judy and Nick had risen and found Nick’s shoulder was feeling well on the mend, though still stiff. So he chose to try and forego the sling for the entire day, if at all possible. With that encouragement, Judy offered to take him in to town and treat him to a few delicacies from Gideon’s bakery. She had never seen someone get dressed so fast in her entire life.

After a light breakfast to save room, the couple took the long way in to town, Nick wanting to burn a decent amount of calories to make up for the gorging he was sure to do. He tried not to rush, mainly because they had threaded their fingers together as they walked hand in hand, and Nick could easily outpace Judy’s normal walk if not careful.

They had just arrived in town and were approaching Gideon’s bakery when a cry of indignation rang through the streets.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing!?” came the shout. At first Nick and Judy just stopped wondering where this commotion was, and turned to see an elderly rabbit couple tottering up to them, righteous fury in their eyes.

“Huh?” Judy said, perplexed at the arthritic rabbits sputtering. “What are you talking about?”

“Why are you two holding hands?” the female rabbit demanded, her hand shaking either due to anger or as a way of making sure she hadn’t died yet. Judy was temporarily stumped, unable to fathom the bluntness of the question. She rallied after a few seconds. “What, you never seen a girl hold her boyfriend's hand before?”

“That’s not natural! You shouldn’t be mixing the races like that!” the male rabbit said, his shouts drawing looks from the other town residents who were just trying to go about their business. One in particular, a black female sheep, had actually stopped to watch.

“Judy, who the hell are these…mammals?” Nick asked. Judy looked to him and saw the same expression she had seen Nick use whenever a criminal had tried to take a swipe at her. Mouth held in a thin line, teeth clench as he struggled not to go for the jugular.

“Honestly? I have no idea, never seen them in my life,” Judy said, wondering how she was going to explain the blood stains later.

“Oh good! That means I don’t have to hold my tongue and try not to offend a family member!” Nick exclaimed, his smile becoming very genuine and showing every single sharp tooth. He looked over the, making their eyes wide as they focused on his fangs, and wondered if he should go in for the full hustle and or lecture.

 _They’re not worth the effort,_ he ultimate decided, and chose his words for their brevity and impact. “I don’t care what you two say or think. You’re probably going to be dead within the next couple of years, which means your opinions and words will be forgotten and mean absolutely _nothing._ Judy? I believe pie was mentioned?” he said as he turned back to his girlfriend, who had a curious mix of shock, admiration, and worry in her eyes. Meanwhile, the black sheep who had been watching them burst out laughing. The rabbits, who had remained deathly silent, flushed red with anger, and tried their best to walk away with dignity, ultimately failing.

“Oh dear God Judy, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to give those two a piece of my mind, the sheep said as she approached Nick, offering her hand, which he didn’t take. “Sharla, me and Judy go way back.”

“Sharla!” Judy shouted as she grabbed the fluffy mammal by the mid-riff and actually managed to lift her off the ground in a hug before Sharla could bring her hand back from the awkward moment.

“Why didn’t you say anything yourself then?” Nick said, before covering his mouth with his hand. The statement had come out accusing, something that was far beyond the norm for him. He looked over and noticed Judy’s worried expression again. Though this was stopped by a bleat of “Uhm, Judy, could you put me down now?” from Sharla, causing Judy to fuss and put her friend down gently.

 _Ok gotta fix this and move on,_ Nick thought, and smoothly adjusted his collar. “Sorry, I guess they got to me a little. The name’s Nick Wilde.” He offered his hand to Sharla, putting on ‘winning smile #12 (subtle embarrassment and genuine enthusiasm), who took it after a moment's hesitation, but gripped it gratefully. Nick glanced over to Judy, who had begun wearing that worried expression again. The words “we need to talk about this later,” seemed to be form between them.

“Oh I know you Mr Wilde. “

“Call me Nick, please,” Nick insisted trying to make up for his earlier rudeness.

“Oh, OK, Nick.  Judy’s family have been doing nothing but talking about you in Gid’s place lately.”

“Hmm, been hanging around there lately a lot have you Sharla?” Judy asked, her eyebrow raising in mock accusation. The response caused a definite response in Sharla,  the lighter skin around her mouth taking on a very definite shade of red. “I mean I thought you were a teacher…”

“I have my lunch there a lot OK?” Sharla said, Nick decided to intervene lest the poor woman’s wool burst in to flame. “Judy was just taking me to lunch there, care to join us? She’s paying. I’d love to hear some embarrassing stories from when she was at school."

“Oh I got a million of those! Like the time when she tried to arrest the principal for littering.”

“It was a flagrant litter law violation and shut up!”

“Judy, the papers he was carrying got caught in the wind.”

“Well he should have picked them up faster…” the banter between the two old friends calmed Nick down. He was still musing on his uncharacteristic outburst when they finally reached Gideon’s bakery. Judy had brought samples from her visits home for him before, and talked about the run in she had had with the baker when they were kids, but she seemed rather friendly with him now. Nick wanted to give Gideon a chance, though concerns over his reactions had him fighting an urge to just call the entire thing off. _Got to be normal, keep it cool._

The group entered the bakery which was larger than Nick expected, with a decent amount of space inside and out for seating.  It had a very rustic aesthetic with wooden chairs, pastel colours and large windows letting plenty of light in. It was also empty, the group seemingly having missed the breakfast rush allowing the proprietor to step out back for a minute, leaving the counter unmanned. A shout of “Be right out!” came from an open door behind the cash register and a dumpy fox covered in flour stained overalls reversed through it.

“Sorry about that folks, just bringing out a fresh batch of blueberry chocolate pies. What can I…” Gideon stated as he turned and froze. “Well Judy Hopps, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes! Sharla too! Gimme one second,” he grunted as he placed thew steaming set of pies under the counter for display. He dusted himself and made his way to the group. Nick first thought was he was going to be "boyfriendy" and jealous after Gideon went to hug Judy…but instead the baker sheepishly ( _hah!_ ) hugged Sharla, then Judy. _Well, there’s one thing I don’t need to worry about at least_. He calmed down instantly, though his chest did still feel a little heavy, he managed to keep his cool long enough for Gideon to distract him.

“Well I guess you must be Judy’s beau. Gideon Grey,” the portly baker said and held out his hand. Nick shook it with the enthusiasm of someone who knows to be kind to someone who prepares your food.

“I know, Judy’s told me all about you,” Nick said, and got a worried look in response. The penny dropped and he wondered if he should make a show of not having ill feelings towards the fox who had hurt her as a child. _OK that would be a bit of a lie, but I’ve told worse._

“I would just like to say that I was a foolish aggressive jerk when I was a child with a mountain of emotional and personal issues to deal with and if you feel so inclined to defend your lady's honour I will gladly take my whuppin’”

And with that all thoughts of hating Gideon fled Nick’s mind. The way he just blurted that all out, the practised pace, every word carefully selected, his stance, the fact he seemed to have a very slight limp on his right leg spoke volumes of a mammal who had had a very hard life and was doing his best to make up for it. Even in his tetchy state, Nick couldn’t help but like Gideon. Still, that didn’t mean he couldn’t use this to his advantage.

“Gimme one of those blubbery chocolate pies and everything’s forgiven,” he said. Judy immediately glared at him. “What? A pie or a whuppin’? I know which I’d choose.”

“He’s kidding Gideon,” Judy said as the baker started to make his way to the pies he just baked. “Though we will take one of those pies, along with a menu” she said reaching for her wallet.

“Now you just put that away Judy,” Gid said, raising a hand. “The least I can do for Zootopia’s two heroes is give them a few viddles on the house!” He turned to Sharla and added “And their guest.” Sharla’s muzzle started to redden again.

“No I insist on paying!” Judy said, fumbling with her wallet. Nick chuckled and placed an arm around her shoulder. “Fluff, if the nice baker wants to give us free food, it would be rude to decline.” He leaned closer and whispered so low only she could hear. “Besides, I think we can pay them back by arranging a double date, hmm?” He motioned his head to Sharla, and the bunny looked at the blushing sheep then nodded knowingly.

The group sat down and enjoyed a bevy of baked goods, occasionally interrupted as Gideon had to serve customers until his friend and employee Travis arrived to prepare for the afternoon rush. After two hours, Judy and Nick left as Sharla and Gideon continued chatting away, having managed to persuade and arrange the two to visit them in Zootopia in a couple of weeks’ time.

“They’ll make a cute couple,” Judy said, hugging Nick’s arm as they started their stroll back to the farm. “Though not as cute as us, I think.”

“So, I’m allowed to say the C word in reference to us?” Nick asked. Judy rolled her eyes and said “You can use it around me but no one else. Got it?”

“It’s not worth using for anyone else,” Nick said, causing Judy to hug his good arm a little tighter in response. After a while, he felt her arm slacken. “So, Nick…I think we need to talk.”

“Uhm, Judy? We’ve been dating for just over a week, it’s a bit early for that talk isn’t it?” Nick said, feeling his chest tighten. _Stay cool, it’s nothing_.

“Yeah not that kind of talk Slick,” she said, hugging his arm again. “I mean, I know you’re going through hell right now, and I can’t imagine all the emotions you feel, but I’m a little worried. You haven’t been your usual self lately. You’re usually so controlled. I know things get to you, and you always tried to show that it didn’t. I mean, yes that old couple deserved the verbal smack down, but Sharla? I’m glad you apologised, but it was so unlike you.”

“I’m fine Carrots,” Nick said, while internally he started screaming. A thousand thoughts started colliding in his head as he felt that hated heat in his chest again. _She said you haven’t been yourself, does that mean she doesn’t like who you’re becoming? Does it mean she might not love you anymore? Is this actually happening or is it the anxiety talking? Is she going to leave me? Am I actually crazy or just going through a rough time? Why can’t I control this? What if I never get this under control? What if I have a panic attack when Judy needs me the most? Would she be safer without me?_

“Nick, are you OK? You’re panting…”

_Shitshitshit! OK don’t panic, just calm down, think happy thoughts. Think of Judy, think how you’ll never hurt her, never let her down. But just because I never mean to doesn’t mean I won’t. Dammit, stay focused! Keep this in, show her you can keep this under control!_

“Really I’m fine Fluff.” _There that should do it. Force yourself to relax…wait how can you_ force _yourself to relax? Whatever, just do it! Fuck, I’m still panting!"_

“Nick, stop, walking a second and sit down! You’re panicking! Look I didn’t mean to upset you…” Judy continued starting to tug on his arm as he refused to slow down

 _GODDAMMIT_ _NOW SHE THINKS IT’S HER FAULT! I DON’T DESERVE HER! I’M HURTING HER! GOTTA MAKE THIS RIGHT, TELL HER NOTHINGS WRONG, MAKE HER UNDERSTAND! SHOW HER YOU CAN BE STRONG THAT YOU DON’T NEED HER TO TAKE THIS BURDEN ON!_

“I SAID I’M FINE!” Nick roared, and shoved Judy away from him. The shock on her face was horrible, he felt physical pain, worse than when he was shot.  She stumbled and tripped over her feet falling face first to the road, her head hitting the asphalt with a thud. The sound was small, but to Nick it was like thunder. Judy groaned in pain as blood flowed from a wound where she had hit her head. She started wiping blood from her eye as she tried to recover.

“JUDY! I’m…oh God...” Nick spluttered. _NO! IHURTHERIHURTHERIHURTHERIHURTHERIHURTHER! RUN! GET AWAY FROM HER BEFORE YOU DO IT AGAIN! YOU DON’T DESERVE HER YOU FUCKING IDIOT OF A FOX! YOU HURT THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE SUCH A GODDAMN FUCK-UP AREN’T YOU? RUN! GET AWAY FROM HER BEFORE YOU HURT HER AGAIN!”_

His heart was hammering inside a chest of fire, he could hardly breath. He stayed just long enough to see Judy start to pick herself up off the ground, wiping blood from her eyes, and ran.  His vision blurred by tears and darkness, his breathing almost useless as he felt weak, but he forced his legs to keep going as fast as he could. He thought he heard his name from behind, and the sound of a small body stumbling over again, but he didn’t dare look back. He needed to get away! He needed to get away from her so she would be safe! That’s all he knew. His head pounded as he tried to remember the way back to the train station, damn near sprinting all the way. He didn’t know where he was, only that he needed to be somewhere else. He ran for eternity, kicking up dust as his breathing became harsher and harsher, and heard a familiar sound. The metal on metal of a train coming closer. He quickly looked around and spotted the station in the distance. His eyes were straining and his feet had begun throbbing due to how hard he was running, but he needed to get on that train. He didn’t care where it went, as long as it got him away from Judy!

Within a few minutes, he had closed on the station. He swore he heard something like his name behind him but his head was hurting too much to focus on anything but getting away. He saw the train on the platform, people milling about. Another sound came from behind, something like “NICK STOP!” but he couldn’t understand. He just tried to head for the nearest door when he suddenly felt something around his ankles and found himself falling towards concrete platform. He turned trying to protect his head but landed on his injured shoulder, the pain striking him like lighting. The pain focused his mind, and part of the world started coming back in to focus. He looked around and found himself surrounded by three bunnies and a deer, all holding him down. He didn’t recognise the rabbits as Judy's family and tried to struggle free, his overriding thought still to escape, to keep Judy safe. He finally started hearing their voices.

“Ha! Don’t worry Jude! We got this criminal fox for you!” one of the rabbits said, keeping him pressed down. “No one escapes from the law on our watch.”

“YOU GET OFF HIM THIS FUCKING SECOND ROGER BUCKSON OR I WILL ARREST YOU FOR ASSAULTING A POLICE OFFICER!” Judy’s voice roared, filled with rage and scorn.

“But you were chasing…”

“HE’S HAVING A PANIC ATTACK YOU GODDAMN WASTE OF FUR! LET GO OF HIM RIGHT NOW!"

“But he…!”

“THAT’ST IT!” Suddenly Nick felt one of the set of paws on him disappear, followed swiftly by the others and a sense of space around him. After a few seconds, he rolled on to his back, his chest still burning and his shoulder throbbing. He saw Judy haranguing one of the rabbits, his arm locked behind his back as he squirmed in her grasp. She looked over to him, a streak on blood drying over her eyes and tossed the buck aside, running up to him. She immediately wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight, which caused the pain in his chest to start subsiding. Her scent filled his nostrils and he found himself breathing slowly to take as much in as possible.

“It’s OK Nick, everything’s fine,” Judy whispered as she adjusted her position, moving up slightly and started stroking his head. The motion didn’t dull the pain, but it took his mind off it. He started to see clearly again and looked to Judy, her beautiful eyes just staring at him with concern and love and…yes a little fear. But he somehow sensed that it wasn’t fear for herself. It was for him.

“I’m so sorry…” he tried to say, but his throat almost crushed the words before they came out. It actually hurt to speak.

“Nothing to be sorry for, it was an accident,” she said. She brought her muzzle to his and kissed him, longingly. He responded in kind, her lips giving him an anchor to hold on to. After it finished they just sat, a crowd around them trying to figure out just what the hell was going on.

 _So much for not letting them see things get to you._ Nick thought. As if reading his mind. Judy began whispering to him.

“Just ignore them, they don’t matter. You never have to be afraid of showing me what’s going on, no matter where we are, OK?” Nick nodded slowly as he focused on Judy.  She filled his whole world and it was exactly what he needed.

“Judy?”

“Yes Nick.”

“I think I’m really going to need that counselling.”

“I know Slick, I know. But I’ll be with you through every step of the way. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Nick said, as more tears started flowing from his eyes.

“Hey, that’s not your decision to make. I decide who deserves me, and that is you. Besides, you’re too good in the sack to give up so soon…” she said, her ears reddening again. Despite himself, Nick found himself laughing at the last bit.

“OK Fluff. I promise to give you as much fox fucking as you can handle…”

“AHEM!” a voice cut in. The pair turned and noticed large jaguar woman, her hand clasping that of her cub.

“Hi Mrs Clawson,” Judy waved shyly

“Mommy? What’s fox fucking?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a hard chapter to write for a few reasons. It seems to be that I tend to have my most creative spurts of writing while something horrible is happening. Slightly worrying I think you'll agree.
> 
> The other is that a lot of what I describe happening here, especially the words and thoughts I attribute to Nick, is partly autobiographical. The way his thoughts come across (such as alternative between "I" and "you" in his panic attack, the actual wording of those thoughts is something I've experienced during my own panic attacks (though not caused by PTSD, which I have never suffered from). I've had other issues that had lead me to go to therapy on and off over the last couple of years, and caused strain in my marriage. Nothing physical, I have never struck my wife, but horrible, petty, ugly words have been used and they took their toll. Thankfully I've gotten the help I've needed, and while I still stumble, we are much happier in our marriage than we have been for some time, quite close to the newly-wed stage in fact.
> 
> This story is actually being used as a tool for my healing, and has veered off wildly from where I expected to take it, but for the better I feel. It allows me to put in to word some thoughts that are painful to think about, in a sort of parallel to the real world.
> 
> Yes, I am actually a four foot talking fox.
> 
> Actually what I mean by that is the relationship Judy and Nick have in the movie is very similar to how my wife and I started out as good friends, and we became something far more. It also helps me draw parallels with our relationship in another way, that being our marriage is interracial. I'm a six foot four white and red-headed/ginger Brit, she's a five foot three Latina from America. The scene with the two old rabbits? That has actually happened to us, and is almost word for word the conversation (especially Nick's angry response). The "play" on the train also happened, though it was on a coach passing through New York.
> 
> Because of the head-canon parallels I ship WildeHopps hard, and as I've been writing this story, it's changed dramatically and been a useful tool to help myself get things in a structured way, which is one of the hardest things to do when you're trying so hard for things to get back to normal. I'm having Nick go through the stages a lot faster than I did in real life, it took me over a year to admit I needed help, and longer to find the "right" help. What I hope this doesn’t do is cheapen how difficult it can be to deal with mental problems, especially if you don't allow yourself to accept that and don't get the help. Luckily Nick's a fictional character and can go through these revelations a lot faster than I could.


	7. Counsellor's New Views

Nick leaned against the wall and sighed, checking his watch. He was wondering where Judy was. He really needed her today, despite not wanting to be here. His therapist said it might give him some closure. Well his second therapist anyway. He and Judy had returned from Bunnyburrow over three weeks ago, and he had started therapy the day after. It hadn’t gone well and Judy could tell. After pressing him, Nick explained that after his second session, his therapist wasn’t working out and that’d he’d requested a new one. She seemed concerned and tried to press further on why. Nick said she didn’t need to worry herself.

This of course was a _brilliant_ idea as if you ask Judy Hopps not to do something, she’ll take it as a personal challenge. Hell that’s how he’d gotten her to do that thing with her feet...

Anyway! After a week of questioning Nick had snapped at her that he didn’t want to talk about it. The look of disappointment had hurt him far more than the ache in his shoulder ever could. Eventually after apologising around a dozen times, Nick relented and told her why he’d asked for a new therapist. His previous, a large badger, seemed intent on blaming Judy for all his problems.  Seemingly unintentionally, the fellow predator seemed hooked on the idea that being in a pred-prey relationship was what triggered his panic attacks, since they all seemed to happen around her. Nick had tried to politely say that this was ridiculous, as Judy was the one who always calmed him down. When that didn’t work, he said it impolitely. At volume. With swear words and threats of shoving the badger's notebook so far up her arse she’d be able to taste it.

His second therapist, a llama named Dr Rey Kuszco, was much more open minded and a much better listener. He remembered the first day when they’d met, Nick admiring the llama’s collection of Incan statues. He had simply sat there and asked Nick what he wanted to talk about. No pressure, no theories, he just asked questions as Nick laid everything out.  By the end of the session, Nick found that the therapist had barely spoken, and when he asked why he wasn’t addressing Nick’s issues, he’d given a simple answer.

“I’m not here to address your issues, I’m here to help _you_ address them.”

That had made Nick feel better, Rey, as Nick came to know him, was more interested in helping Nick than assigning blame to his problems. He’d had a total of four sessions with the llama and sometimes they didn’t even talk about what Nick was going through. They shot the shit, told jokes and anecdotes. Rey only started pressing Nick when the fox had prompted it and knew exactly when to pull back and when to push.

The last session had been one of those. After spending two weeks with him, Nick had admitted that his biggest fear was having a panic attack when Judy needed him, and he was convinced that she’d be better off with someone else, due to the pain he could see it was causing her. The doctor had phrased the issue in such an obvious way that Nick almost laughed.

“So basically, you’re terrified of letting your partner down, which causes you stress, which causes your panic attacks, which causes you to be terrified of letting your partner down.”

It was true, and that had made Nick feel so horrendous, he had another panic attack in the doctor’s office.  At first Nick had called for Judy, but she’d taken to going for a jog during his sessions so she wasn’t near. Rey, perfectly calmly, talked him though and got him to calm down so he could breathe again. Then he’d said something that Nick really needed to hear.

“It’s OK to forgive yourself for these attacks, and it’s OK to forgive yourself for how you’ve been treating Judy. It doesn’t excuse it, but you’re allowed to make mistakes.”

That had been too hard for Nick to accept at the time, and still was, but honestly? He’d started feeling better, and feeling less anxious. However, the doctor had also prescribed him with anti-depressants. He’d been put on a month’s trial to see if they helped. He had argued against their use, but ultimately caved when Judy, the reasonable one that she was, pointed out that all they did was make it easier to deal with his feelings, not suppress them. He hated the fact that she was probably right, and went along. He had no idea if they were working or not, but he did seem to feel less edgy when he had taken them.

He’d thought about using the whole packet of them today. He looked up at the sign above the entrance to the walled off area and sighed.

 _'Pleasant Hills Cemetery.' Nothing pleasant about it today_ , thought Nick. The invitation had arrived a week ago, and he was still confused as to why he’d been invited to Robin’s funeral.  He’d considered not going, but when Judy said she’d go with him, he’d relented. Rey understood Nick’s nervousness about going, and said it could go either one of two ways. He’d either be able to handle it, or he wouldn’t. If he didn’t, that was fine. And if anyone at the funeral saw him having trouble?

“Fuck em’.”

Nick had actually laughed when the llama had said that. Essentially, the other people at the funeral didn’t know what Nick was going through, so any views they had on the subject were completely irrelevant. Only those closest to him had the to know what was going on and try to understand. Though Nick could have narrowed that down to one person.

The _pat pat_ of small paws running made Nick turn and see that one person now, and the knot that had grown in his stomach begun to unravel. Judy had completely forgotten that she owned no funeral appropriate clothes until last night. She’d left earlier that morning to try and find something in a hurry and seemed to have done so. She skidded to a halt, smoothing out her attire. She’d managed to snag a simple black dress with a pair of leggings.

“Sorry I’m late,” she said, breathing hard after her run. “There was a delay on the subway. You OK?”

“Now that you’re here, yeah,” Nick said, fidgeting with his tie. He hated the suit, but figured it would be in bad taste to turn up in his usual green Pawaiian shirt and slacks, Unfortunately, this meant he had to wear the tie properly, a fact he hated as it never felt right. Judy motioned him to bend down, and thinking she wanted to give him a kiss, he complied, closing his eyes. He waited a full eight seconds before he released no such show of affection was forthcoming, opening his eyes and finding Judy adjusting his tie.

“You know for someone who wears these all the time, you sure don’t know what you’re doing with them.”  He felt Judy his tie, making him more comfortable, but noticed it was still in a 'respectable' position.

“Thanks Carrots,” Nick said, not really in the mood for his usual banter. Judy took his hand and looked in to his eyes. “You sure you want to do this?” she asked.

“No, but I feel like I should,” he said, sighing. “As long as you’re there with me I can manage.”

“I’ll always be there for you Nick,” Judy said and hugged his waist. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Nick said, and turned towards the entrance. Judy entwined her fingers in his and just stood there, waiting for him to move. She said nothing, perfectly content for Nick to decide when he was ready.

He stepped forward and in to the cemetery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much shorter chapter this time, mainly because I’ve been struggling to get this done and restarted it three times. I did envision a few chapters of Nick talking with his therapist, but honestly, it just seemed like talking with little character development, so I essentially skipped ahead.
> 
> It’s kind of a shame though, as I mentioned previously it feels a bit lazy to have Nick go through these stages of grief and depression so quickly. He’s not over his issues, but he’s starting to get to a point where he can handle them. It took me about 5 years to get to that point with my own depression, and I still have bouts of anxiety and panic. Healing from mental issues is a slow process, or at least has been for me. However, having Nick talk about why issues with his father has been handled in a lot of fics, so I don’t really feel I’d be adding anything new there. So let’s go have the depressive go to the funeral of the person he thinks he killed! That’ll be fun RIGHT!?


	8. Unforgiven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The funeral.

As Nick and Judy made their way up the slight hill to the burial plot where Robin’s funeral was to take place, Nick found that this area of the cemetery was particularly silent. Oh of course you expect a cemetery to be quiet out of respect for those departed, but there was usually some form of muted conversation as mourners greeted each other, caught up with friends and family, had a fight about “What our Davey said about our Sharon”, etc. Not here though. Nick mentally slapped himself as the words ' _silent as the grave'_ ran through his mind.

The reason for the quiet was revealed as he and Judy crested the hill. Half a dozen rows of chairs sat in front of the closed casket, but only three of those in the first row had occupants. Nick looked around at all the empty rows as an elderly priest, a Tasmanian devil (which Nick would find hilarious in hindsight a few days later), nodded to them. This prompted the other mourners to take notice. All three were foxes, one somewhat bulky male and two smaller females, one significantly older than the other. The older female waved shyly, while the large male nodded respectfully. Nick assumed the younger of the two women was Marian. She smiled wanly at him and Judy, which Nick found unsettling for some reason. She looked down to a bundle wrapped in her arms, which started gurgling, and Nick’s heart sank like a stone.

 _That must be Gwyn,_ Nick thought as his chest began to tighten _._ He felt a similar tightest on his hand. He turned and looked in to Judy’s eyes, and realised he hadn’t taken a breath for a few seconds, he exhaled slowly and smiled at his love. She’d done more with the simple gesture than any number of people giving him platitudes along the lines of 'it’ll be OK' would have ever done.  Still the tension was there, and it caused Nick to sit on the far end of the front row, away from the others. They didn’t comment, and turned their attention to the casket, and specifically the photo of Robin in happier times, smiling. The photo seemed to have been taken some years ago, as the young fox showed no signs of the addiction that seemed to have taken hold of him before his death.  He was full bodied, even a smidge overweight, smiling, and looked happy. A far cry from the walking toast rack with depression Nick had last seen.

After a few more minutes, the priest seemed to accept that no one else would be coming, so he began. The ceremony was short and very generic, the priest seemingly reading from an invisible script. Talking about how it was a tragedy that a young father was taken from his daughter too early, Robin was a son of God, had a hard life, but tried his best and other such generics. There was no mention of any great achievements, no mention of relatives save his daughter.  It was painfully obvious that the priest never knew Robin and was doing it for the look of the thing. For some reason that irked Nick, but it’s not like he knew much about Robin aside from anecdotes from their childhood, and even those were few and not indicative of his old friend’s character.  Perhaps the fact that so small an audience had arrived indicated something about why there seemed no need to say anything else.

Whatever the reason for the brevity, the ceremony soon ended, and the mourners all laid their hands on the casket one by one just before it was lowered. Nick was trying to remain positive, but he still felt responsible for this, and would be glad to get away from the funeral. Judy had been silent during the whole thing, and he was glad of it. Nick felt if no one asked him how he felt, or if he was OK, he could get through the whole thing without a panic attack, or for at least long enough to get home where he could have one in comfort. Or perhaps he could go to a bar with Finnick. He knew it was stupid and would make him feel worse, but he could do with a dozen stiff drinks with his friend right now. _Guy can slam back the Yak Daniel’s when he wants to._ He was considering asking Judy if she would mind him doing that, when the rabbit tugged on his arm, snapping him out of his thoughts. He turned to her, but she nudged her head to the side. Confused Nick turned and saw the three other foxes had walked up to the couple. He had hoped to avoid this, but tried to hide his panic.

“Officer Wilde, Officer Hopps,” Marian said, offering a free hand as her other held her child. The partners shook it return. “I’m Marian King, though I assume you guessed that. This is my father Richard and mother Berengaria.” The two older foxes extended their own hands in turn and the gesture was repeated. “I just wanted to say thank you for coming, I was worried we’d be all alone here today.”

Nick said nothing, as he was too busy fighting down the urge to run. Luckily Judy stepped in. “It was nothing, and please call me Judy.”

“And you can call me Marian.”

An awkward pause followed until Nick decided to fill it. “So uhm, where’s Robin’s parents? I find it hard to believe they didn’t want to attend.”

If the awkward paused had been uncomfortable, it was a La-Z-Bull recliner compared to the silence that followed. The family of foxes had all exchanged nervous looks, when Marian finally spoke. “Robin’s parents both died four years ago in a car accident.” She turned to Nick. “I’m sorry, I thought you knew.”

“He…he never mentioned it,” Nick said, not sure what else to say. True he had barely spoken to Robin in that time, but he felt he should have known that.

“It was a tragedy. Robin took it badly. I don’t think he ever truly recovered from it…”

“Oh please don’t be making excuses for him again Marian!” Richard King blurted out, clearly annoyed.

“Dad! Please!”

“What? I’m paying for this funeral, I should…”

“Richard!” Berengaria shouted. Richard turned to his wife and grimaced. He turned back to Nick and Judy. “I apologise. You could say I was not Robin’s biggest fan. Though I never wanted this,” he said, turning back to his daughter. “Sorry sweetie, I know he still meant a little to you, even if it was just as the father for Gwyn,” he said looking down at his granddaughter with genuine affection. “Tell you what darling, your mother and I will get going while you talk with the officers. Shall I send the car for you in about 30 minutes?”

“Yeah that will be fine Dad, you get back to work.”

“Thanks treasure,” Richard replied and kissed his daughter on the top of the head. “And you stay out of trouble,” he said, bending down and tickling Gwyn who giggled excitedly.

Something tweaked in Nick’s brain. “Wait, Richard King, not ‘King of the Golden River?’ Richard King surely?”

“The one and the same, Mr Wilde!” Richard said standing back up. “Zootopia’s top scrap merchant, and owner of the city’s largest private cleaning and sewage treatment centre. I guess you heard of me?”

“Sir, every fox who wants to make something of themselves had had heard of you!” Nick exclaimed like child meeting his hero. “I mean, everyone knows you pulled yourself up from the Happytown gutter to become one of Zootopia’s richest!”

“Heh, well yes,” Richard replied, somewhat embarrassed by Nick’s reaction. “An admirer Mr Wilde? I assumed with you being a police officer you had other heroes.”

“Well one,” Nick said, turning to Judy. “But before then I tried to make myself a ‘respectable business mammal.’”

“And by that you mean a down a dirty hustler?” Richard said, his mouth curling.

“Well yes,” Nick said, returning the grin. “That’s why I said _tried_.” As that the older fox laughed out loud. Something about the way he laughed, loudly and without even an attempt to contain it, became infectious. If anyone had walked past the funeral at that point, they could be forgiven for thinking the group had gone slightly mad.

“Don’t worry son, I know what it’s like. Still looks like you found your calling. A pity, I get the feeling I could use someone like you at work. We sewage workers have to get rather dirty ourselves,” he said while winking.

“Richard I told you, no cleaning puns today,” Berengaria said, shaking her head.

“Sorry dear,” Richard said, wrapping his arm around his wife. “Say Nick, can I call you Nick? Perhaps you could take my daughter to dinner…”

“AHEM!” Judy fake coughed, shuffling closer to Nick, who dutifully put his arms around her shoulder while staring Richard in the eye. Richard, for his part, went from confused to mortified in two seconds.

“Jesus Dad…” Marian said under her breath.

“Yes well, I guess we should be going” he said quickly. “It was nice meeting you Nick, Judy,” and started making his way towards the cemetery entrance. Before following him, Berengaria rolled her eyes. “I must apologise for my husband,” she said with the demeanour of someone who must do a lot of apologising. “It was nice to meet you both. Don’t worry I’ll make sure he doesn’t live this down,” she said, winking as she finished and turned to follow Richard.

“Let me add my apologies to hers,” Marian said, placing a paw to her head. “What my dad lacks in tactfulness he makes up for in embarrassment.”

“It’s OK,” Judy said before Nick could jump in. “I guess we do make an unusual couple.”

“A cute one though,” Marian replied, smiling. Nick waited for Judy to start her ‘cute’ lecture, but it was not forthcoming.  In Marian’s arms, Gwyn yawned and cuddled up to her mother. “Again, I must thank you for coming. Robin and I weren’t on good terms, but he didn’t deserve what happened to him…”

The words cut Nick open like a ragged hacksaw. She was blaming him for Robin’s death, he was the reason Gwyn would never have a father, that Robin would never be remembered as anything than coked up failure. No chance at redemption, no chance to prove he could be a good father.

“Nick, Nick!” Judy’s muffled voice came through. He tried to focus on her, he felt her wrap her arms around his waist. She was holding on to him like he would fall through the earth if she let go, but he barely registered it. Then suddenly, he felt another arm around his shoulders and another body pressed against him. The shock of the unfamiliar embrace knocked him back to reality, and he realised that Marian had also wrapped her arm around him, Gwyn pressed between them.

“I’m so sorry!” Nick cried. Tears beginning to run down his face. He just wanted to fall to floor and die, just stop feeling like this. No, he wanted Marian to _hate_ him. Take out all the justified rage at him killing the father of her child. He wanted Judy to let go and leave, keep away from him, this toxic, horrible excuse for a mammal. He heard Marian shouting, probably some sort of curse on his soul. _Pay attention! Take it! Let her use you as a punching bag! You deserve it!_ He focused on her voice, prepared for the verbal onslaught.

“DON’T YOU DARE BE SORRY!”

The words confused him. His breathing had become rapid again, so he focused and forced it to slow so he could hear what she was saying. He must have misheard her! _Yeah, that’s it! Just calm down enough to hear properly and listen to her! Take the abuse!_

“You have nothing to be sorry about you idiot!”

_OK apart from the “idiot” bit I did not expect that._

“I’m sorry,” Marian said, tears in her own eyes.  “I…I didn’t know you blamed yourself for his death. It’s just in the news footage, you were so dead set on helping him! You managed to get those hostages free!”

“But he shot himself…”

“Yes, he shot _himself_ , Nick _.”_ Marian cried, shaking the dumbfounded fox.  “Robin…made bad choices. His life wasn’t always under his control, but ultimately, he made the choice. _YOU_ tried to help him. You made sure he didn’t make an awful mistake. You helped him. It’s not his fault he didn’t take it…” She said, breathing hard.

“I’ve been trying to tell him that all this time,” Judy said, her voice muffled since her face was buried in Nick’s stomach.

“Yeah but, you’re my girlfriend, you _have_ to say that,” Nick rebutted.

“No Nick, she doesn’t _have_ to do anything,” Marian said. “She says that because it’s true. You calling your love a liar?”

Nick just stood there, having trouble understanding what Marian just said. He quickly started thinking again with “What!? No! Never!” he shouted. The sheer audacity of the statement…he just couldn’t process it. He thought back on everything Judy had said, every time she had tried to make him feel better, every time she stroked his head as he cried over his feelings. He’d been calling her a liar when he didn’t take that on board? Even in his head he couldn’t knowingly do that.

“That’s what you’ve been doing when you don’t believe what she says…” Marian said, the tears becoming a torrent. “Trust me, I’ve ruined enough relationships to know.” She wiped her eyes with her sleeve as Gwyn started fidgeting, not enjoying seeing her mother so upset. “I guess that’s why I got into a relationship with Robin in the first place. When you feel as bad as I did about myself, any affection you get you cling to. Even if it was from an old boyfriend-turned junkie.” She started laughing. “Oh God, I’m glad I’m not recording this for Gwyn, imagine in a decade I showed her a video of me calling her dead father an arsehole.”

The sheer ridiculousness of the comment got to Nick and he found himself laughing, soon followed by Judy. If the previous laughing fit they enjoyed with Marian parents had people think the mourners had lost it, this one would have gotten an ambulance called out of fear of the group literally laughing their lungs up.

“Thank you…” Nick said, after his lungs stopped burning. “I think I needed to hear that.”

“Yeah, you did,” Judy said, her breath heavy. “Seriously though, thank you Marian.”

“No problem,” Marian said her own breathing returning to normal as well. She shifted Gwyn into a more secure hold as she had nearly dropped her a couple of times during the laughing fit. The cub was giggling madly now as well, not wanting the laughter to end.

“You know, I was going to offer to you some money to help with Gwyn…”

“Don’t you dare Nick,” Marian said, rounding on him.

“Yeah that was before I learned you were the daughter of someone who probably makes more in a day than I will in a year” Nick said smugly.

“Heh, yeah, luckily my parents are more than willing to help out, though I won’t let them hire a nanny until I’m ready to go back to work,” Gwyn said as she tickled her daughter.  “Speaking of heading back, I should be getting this little tyke home soon.”

“Can we see you again?” Judy asked.  Nick found himself marvelling at just how much he and Judy were on the same wavelength on this. “Just as friends? Maybe we can grab lunch together.”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Marian said. “I don’t have many friends my age, or at least ones that don’t mind me dragging a baby everywhere. Here, text me your numbers.” Judy did so.

“And hey, if you ever need a babysitter, I’ve helped raised 275 brothers and sisters.”

“We’ll see, I don’t think I’m ready to inflict Gwyn on anyone just yet. I’ll call you both soon OK?” With that Marian headed off, bringing her phone out to call her parents for the ride home.

“I think she’ll appreciate the offer Carrots,” Nick said. “Poor woman looks wrung out.”

“Yeah she does. Speaking of, how are you feeling?” Judy asked

“Well, I wouldn’t say OK, but better than I thought I would,” Nick turned towards his girlfriend. “I’m sorry Judy.”

“What for?” the rabbit asked, confused.

“For thinking you were lying about me…” he said. His voice lowered as he felt sadness and guilt enter his mind. “I just…I find it hard to believe I’m a good person sometimes you know? Especially…” but he was cut off as Judy reached up and placed a finger on his lips. With her other hand, she motioned Nick to come down to her level. The fox took a knee, and found himself in a heaven as Judy wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply

“I’ll always be here to remind you of that Slick,” Judy said after the bliss ended.

“Still I’m sorry about that anyway.”

“You don’t have to be, but I appreciate the thought,” Judy said, motioning the fox to stand up. “If you must feel guilty, you can make yourself feel better by buying lunch. I’m starving.”

“Did you just guilt-hustle a free lunch out of me?” Nick asked jokingly.

“Maybe,” Judy said, picking up on Nick’s obvious joke.

“Heh, sly bunny.”

“Wonderful fox.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fucking chapter. This goddamn motherfucking chapter! This took way too long to write for many reasons that honestly, I cannot be bloody arsed going in to. Some of it I would qualify as good reasons, others not. Overall though? I am just so glad I managed to get this bastard finished. It’s been frustrating me for…hold on! *checks when he last updated* THREE FUCKING WEEKS!? Three weeks to type three thousand words? Oh go to hell life. 
> 
> So, this chapter touches on something that I found happening quite a bit during my darker depression times. Someone tries to help you, but because you think they’re obligated to help, the words fall on deaf ears. Because they just have to say that right? Just because for some reason they love you it’s their job to do that shit, right? 
> 
> No. No it isn’t, it is no one’s “job” to make you feel better. They may try to do it because they love you and want you to stop hurting, but ultimately there is no obligation for them to do that. For that reason, you should fucking listen when they do, because they must see something there. If they didn’t, they have no responsibility to you to stick around, no matter what some legal document says or whatever you said to the Priest, Pastor, Rabbi, court official, Iman, whatever! They’re there because they want to be, and if you don’t sort your shit out, they may not want to anymore. Trust me, I nearly paid the price for that with my wife. 
> 
> Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go play Tomb Raider or Halo, and play with one of my 250 odd Transformers BECAUSE I AM A MARRIED MAN-CHILD WHO PLAYS WITH CHILDREN’S TOYS!
> 
> Fucking three weeks for three thousand words…
> 
> Also bonus points to anyone who spots the Discworld character homage/rip-off.


	9. Crowded Isolation

**Alpaca Comedy Bar, Wednesday, 9:27 pm**

Nick was completely miserable. He hated himself for it, but he was. It was all the worst help that he was surrounded by people who were having a great time, Judy included. He didn’t want to ruin their fun, but he felt completely isolated, which is an achievement when you’re in a room of mammals, most of which are at least three times your size.

The day had started out so well too…

**Nick’s Apartment, 8:47 am**

Nick’s shoulder had healed amazingly well, having regained almost all its range of motion. He was also feeling in a much better place mentally, so much so he had decided to call Bogo to talk about going back to work on Monday.  He and Judy been away for almost two months as he recovered, and while they enjoyed each other’s very pleasant company, they were both starting to get restless. True, they had not gotten bored of their bedroom activities, far from it, but Nick had concluded that there’s only so many times you can have sex with a rabbit before you need to stop lest you die of dehydration.

While he was recovering from that morning’s session and, pondering if his mentally written porno script (“Dick Wild and the Sucubunny”) could be sold, Nick noticed Judy looking at apartments on her phone. After questioning Judy told him that the lease on her apartment was up in six weeks and she was wondering if she could afford to move to a bigger place or would have to renew. She was starting to get sick of the small, damp, noisy place but admitted her prospects didn’t look good.

“Crazy thought, why don’t you move in with me? I mean, you practically have already,” Nick said. Judy was slightly taken aback by the offer, but smiled before replying.

“As nice as that sounds Nick, your place is only slightly less of a hole than mine,” she said. Nick found it hard to argue, he glanced around what had been advertised as a “cosy, affordable studio apartment suitable for a bachelor.” This translated to “cheap because it’s a tiny, damp basement.” He hadn’t complained as the rent was cheap enough that he could afford things like a decent sized TV and other luxuries, but it wouldn’t do as a place for a couple.

“Well…how about we look for a place together?” he suggested. “I have a rolling lease, so I can pretty much walk out whenever I want.”

“Really?” Judy asked, her ears rising like along with the excitement in her eyes. She paused for a moment, considering the idea. “That…that actually sounds great!” she finally said. “I’m sure together we could afford a decent place!” With that Judy spent the next hour looking through apartments again, finding half a dozen decent to good places that came to less than their current separate rents combined. She arranged multiple viewings for the weekend.

“Nick?” Judy said after hanging up with the last realtor. “Are you sure you want to move in together? We’ve only been dating a couple of months…”

“Don’t you want to?”

“Of course I do, dumb fox, but at the same time it seems a little fast I guess? Not exactly typical.”

“Judy, we’re an interspecies couple and the first police officers of our species in, as far as I can tell, the history of Zootopia. We don’t do _typical_. Oh, and did you forget I love you more than I ever thought possible.” Something changed in Judy’s face when he finished talking, she looked shocked. “Judy, you OK?”

“Uhm Nick, you just said you love me…” she said.

“Yeah…and?”

“You realise that is the first time you’ve actually said that right?”

“Really?” Nick asked before pausing. He thought back over their relationship and found that yes, she was right. He’d never actually said it before. “Well I’ve thought it for a while, and I guess I assumed you did too…” Nick trailed off, he felt the beginnings of his nerves flare up as he started to think she may not reciprocate. That lasted about a second when the rabbit launched at him giving him possibly the deepest kiss he’d ever experienced.

“Of course I love you! You dumb, stupid, wonderful, aggravating, sexy, intelligent idiot!” she said in a moment between breathes. She latched on to him again and didn’t let go. What started out as an intense make out session turned in to something hotter, wetter, and much louder. Forty-three minutes later, they bathed in the afterglow, utterly exhausted.

“We are going to get so many noise complaints from our new neighbours,” Nick said as he tried to catch his breath.

“Too. Bad.” Judy huffed. Before Nick could agree, Gazelle’s “Try Everything” started blaring from Judy’s phone.

“Huh, wonder what Clawhauser wants?” Judy said. She had assigned the song to Ben because it made sense. Nick listened as the bunny rolled on to her side, groaning from the effort, giving him a great view of her butt.

“Hi Ben. Yeah I’m fine. Aw I miss you too Ben, but good news! Nick and I will probably be back next week! Oh, really? Yeah. Hmm. Yeah that sounds fun, hold on.” She turned away from her phone. “Nick, Clawhauser says a few guys from the precinct were going to go to the Alpaca Comedy Club Bar tonight. You wanna go? Apparently, Bill Baaley is gonna be there tonight, you always like him.”

Nick pondered this for a few seconds and answered “Yeah why not?” He felt it’d been far too long since he last socialised with anyone but Judy and was itching to get caught up with his work friends.

“Great! Hey, maybe we can invite Marian? She could probably do with a night out with some adults.”

“Sounds like a plan Fluff,” Nick replied. Judy told Clawhauser that they’d be there, and called Marian. It took some convincing but in the end the vixen was persuaded to come after her parents had been wrangled in to babysitting.

A couple of hours after this, and general lounging around the apartment, Nick received a call on his phone.

“Go wild with Wilde,” he answered.

“One of these days Nick, you’re gonna have to come up with a new way of answering the phone that doesn’t make me want to kick your teeth in,” a deep baritone voice said.

“Finnick!” Nick exclaimed, genuinely pleased to hear from his friend. Due to his job and recent healing, he rarely got to see his old partner in crime. “How’s it going bud? Been too long man.”

“Well, things have been better.”

“Sorry to hear that guy. Anything I can do?”

“Yeah well, that’s why I’m calling. I’m kinda…in jail.”

“Oh God, what did you do?”

“Hey I didn’t do nothin’ alright!” Finnick snapped. Nick had to hold the phone away from his ear as his friend howled down the phone. “I just parked my van outside my girl’s apartment…”

“How is Loxy by the way?”

“LONELY BECAUSE I’M STUCK IN THIS POLICE STATION TALKIN’ TO YO ASS! JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN!”

“Alright partner, continue.”

“ANYWAY!” Finnick said, huffing on the end of the line, trying to bring his voice down. “I parked up my van and decide, you know? It’s been a long day? So, I crack a bottle of beer and take a drink before heading in for the night and WAM, some police tiger slaps me with a DUI charge! It was just one beer! And I wasn’t even going to drive! But this damn pig…”

“I thought you said it was a tiger."

“YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT! Just get your dumbass down here and bail me out, would you? I’m at Precinct 99!” The call ended, Nick assuming his pint-sized pal had broken the phone by slamming it down.

“Little guy can be pretty loud when he wants to, huh?” Judy said, obviously having heard the entire conversation. Finnick had been loud enough he wouldn’t be surprised if his neighbours had either.

“Your one to talk,” Nick chimed back, remembering their work out earlier, causing Judy’s ears to flush again. “Yeah I gotta go take care of this, shouldn’t be too long, but it’s way over in Precinct 99 on the other side of the city. What time is it? Two?”

“Two thirty, we’re not meeting everyone until 7 and the stand-up show doesn’t start until eight so we should be back in plenty of time to get ready,” she said as she hopped off the bed to get dressed.

“Ah no worries Carrots, no need for both of us to go. You just relax and I’ll be back as soon as I can OK?”

“You sure?”

“Yeah gotta give you a break from me after these last couple of months, don’t I?” he said as he searched for a clean set of clothes. In all honesty, he was feeling much better and felt he could finally face the city on his own for a couple of hours. “Besides, Fin’s probably not going to be up to much company after night in the cells,” he said pulling his boxers.

“Fair enough,” Judy shrugged. “But you call me if you need me OK?”

“Aww, is Cawwots gonna miss her foxy woxy?” Nick said, cupping his hands together and turning on his puppy eyes.

“Cheese and crackers you’re incorrigible, you know that?”

“Hey would you change me even a little bit?” Nick asked, knowing the answer.

“No. Apart from you peeing in the shower,” Judy said, shuddering slightly.

“Hey the water’s already running, it’s economical!”

“Lazy and disgusting is more like it.”

“Heh, probably,” said Nick. After finding a pair of pants a passable shirt and one of his ties, he kissed his girlfriend goodbye. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Love you Judy.”

“Love you too Nick,” Judy said as the fox left.

**Precinct 99, 4:12 PM**

Nick sauntered in to Precinct 99 making his way to the front desk. While smaller than Precinct One, it still felt familiar, the hustle of police and perpetrators moving around, someone having an argument and so forth. It felt good to be back, even if it wasn’t his precinct. He strolled up to the front desk waiting patiently behind an elephant. Half listening, he started playing with his phone. A few minutes later he heard the mammal in charge of the front desk say “next” followed by a sharp intake of breath. He looked upon…right in to the eyes of Bhrast Akela, former Internal Affairs sergeant.

“YOU!” the she-wolf cried, her eyes locked on to Nick’s, her breath puffing through gritted teeth. Nick saw out of the corners of his eyes she was gripping the edge of the desk, as if trying to keep herself from launching at him.

  _Oh shit,_ he thought. _I thought she was drummed out of the force completely._ He breathed deeply, forcing his nerves to calm. _Just a simple bail payment. OK, get this over with. Smile #1, sincere enjoyment and patience. Just don’t let her goad you._

“Why Sergeant Akela!” he said, throwing his arms out wide. “How you doing?”

“That’s Officer Akela now,” she said, as she gripped the desk tighter, scratches appearing in the wood work.

“Ah, uh, right,” Nick said as his confidence dropped. _Hang in there bud, if you can get through this, going back to work and facing down a charging Rhino will be a breeze._ “So uh, I’m here to bail out a friend. Finlay Jakkalson?” giving Finnick’s real name.

“Lemme guess, one of your fox accomplishes?” Akela said. The comment riled Nick, enough that it caused his nerves to be replaced by anger, but not enough for it to show. He laid on his winning smile. “Why Officer Akela, I am shocked that a representative of the ZPD would make such an accusation! I mean, what would happen if your superiors heard about this? I’m just here to pay my friends bail so I can enjoy the rest of my day with my girlfriend.”

The lack of response obviously riled Akela further, causing a small snarl to start. Nick raised his right eyebrow in response, daring her to continue. The wolf huffed and released the desk, allowing Nick to see exactly how deep she had managed to gouge the wood. She retreated under the desk and returned with a document “The bail is $500 and you’ll need to sign here, need me to go through the terms of the bail?”

“I’m aware of the process,” Nick replied stiffly.

“Yeah I’ll bet you’ve gotten a lot of friends out of jail,” Akela said, smirking.

“Actually, it’s because I’m a police officer who is out solving crimes every day. Can’t get lax when you’re not stuck behind a desk” Nick said, signing the form. The twitch in Akela’s eyes was worth the subtle dig. He then reached in to his pocket and removed five $100 bills he had gotten from the bank before coming over and handed them over.

“You don’t mind if I count them, do you?” Akela said, taking the money, carefully feeling them. No doubt she had assumed they were counterfeit.

 _Seriously?_ Nick thought, but out loud replied “Go ahead.” Akela fanned the bills out, apparently satisfied they weren’t counterfeit. Shen then proceeded to stare at them for what seemed like an age.

“One,” she said, placing a bill on the table. She stared at it, then to Nick, then back to the remaining bills. Shen then removed another bill from the fan and placed it down. “Two…”

_Keep it cool Nick…_

**Subway line 25, 6:30pm.**

“Well thank you very much for this Finnick!” Nick snarled as he gripped the one of the many poles in the subway car. It was very possible it would have his paw print embedded in this after today.

“What’d I do!?” Finnick barked back lounging in a nearby seat.

“Oh, only got stuck in the same precinct as the wolf who hates my guts, that’s what!” Nick was furious as Akela had dragged out the process of retrieving his friend to ridiculous levels. She had recounted the money seven times. _**SEVEN!**_  Then she did, quite frankly, the best impression of Flash Nick had seen in some time, taking an absolute age to go through every part of the process. It had taken every single inch of Nick’s restraint not to reach over the desk and slam her head in to it. She finally got sick of the game and released Finnick. “I’m late for my night out because of you!”

“That ain’t my fault fox,” Finnick said , glaring at his frustrated friend. “I appreciate it though. I’ll get you the cash in a few days OK?”

“Whatever,” Nick said, staring out of the window of the subway car, intent on burning through the window with his stare. He’d let Judy know he was running late and to head to the club without him so he’d meet her there.

“Huh, Nick Wilde not caring about money, there’s a first!” Finnick said, chuckling. “That bunny really has changed you!”

“Yeah, yeah she has,” Nick replied, the mere mention of Judy starting to calm him. He’d been trying very hard to control his mood but Akela seemed to have hit every single one of his nerves.

“Seriously fox, thanks. Hey I’m getting off next stop, since I gotta go pick my van up from the impound lot, you wanna come with and I can give you a ride to the bar?”

“No thanks Fin, if I change trains after the next station I can get to the club only a little late.”

“OK,” Finnick said, getting up from his seat as the train announced his stop. “I’ll catch you later. Thanks again.”

“No worries bud, take care alright?” Nick said as his friend exited the car just before the train started up again. He couldn’t stay mad at Finnick, it was just pure bad luck that Akela had been there. _Anyway, just  few more stops and I can start enjoying the day again._

Suddenly the train car’s lights went out, causing confusion among the passengers. Then the brakes kicked in, causing some mammals to fall and stumble as the sudden deceleration took them by surprised. Nick narrowly managed to avoid being squashed by a lynx as it fell towards him. Finally the train stopped, allowing everyone to get their footing again. A few seconds later the car was filled with the red glow of emergency lights. A crackling signalled that the trains PA system was coming on.

“Hi there folks this is your conductor; it seems we’ve suffered a slight technical hitch with one of our engines. Don’t worry though, we’ll soon have you on your way.”

 _Great,_ Nick thought. _Just hurry up, would you?_

**Alpaca Comedy Bar, 9:27 pm**

And that had led to here. Nick had only arrived about 10 minutes ago, joining Judy and his friends with just ten minutes left in the comedy show. Everyone around him was laughing hysterically, even Bogo was there, laughing alongside his officers. It just made him feel lonely and miserable that everyone except him was having a great time. He turned to Judy and Marian who seemed to be getting along amazingly well, though the alcohol probably helped. Unlike Finnick, Judy was a small mammal who could not handle her booze, all she had in front of her was two standard beers and it seemed like she was acting like a kit who had slammed back half a bottle of vodka. This made the next part easier though as no one seemed to notice as he slipped out, mumbling about having to go to the bathroom.

In reality? He just needed to leave. He exited the bar, passing by the smokers from the precinct who waved to him. He sighed and started walking along the street, staring at the ground, heading nowhere in particular. The cold air ruffled his fur as he walked for ten minutes, passing mammals out having a good time, getting food, or heading home. Eventually he stopped, not wanting to get too far away from the bar. He looked up from the street and found himself outside a church, spotlights illuminating the front door despite it being closed. His eyes drifted downward, seeing the graveyard, it’s headstones dilapidated and worn. He walked up to the church’s gate and found it unlocked. He pushed through it, causing a loud creak of old, tortured hinges, and made his way in to the yard. He stopped next to one gravestone close to the door, too old and faded to make out who it was supposed to be for. He turned away from it and sat down, resting his back against the old piece of stone, which shifted ever so slightly.

And he cried, silently, while looking in to the night sky.

The day had started so well, but had gone to hell, and that’s what he couldn’t take. He just wanted to get better, to be less of a burden to Judy, less of a pathetic shell of a fox, he just wanted to be normal again. But life wasn’t like that, life wouldn’t let that happen. It threw curveballs when you least expected it, and there was nothing you could do…

 _Except keep trying,_ he thought. It was a thought that had slowly started creeping in thanks to his therapy, and the constant support of Judy. He’d had days like today, but in fact, this was the first time he’d had one without it devolving in to a full-blown panic. Despite his feelings of isolation, despite the weird feeling of being alone yet surround, it made him feel a little better.

He heard the gate scream again and look up, expecting to see some old priest or groundskeeper wanting to shoo away the vagabond fox, but it was so much better. Swaying ever so gently, her eyes half closed, stood Judy, her eyes focused on Nick. 

“Move over,” she ordered. Nicked shuffled along the gravestone slightly. She sat down and laid her head against his side.

No words, just pure silent comfort.

Nick wrapped his arm around her as he looked up again, finding he now had a smile on his face.

“You gonna be OK on Monday?” Judy asked, as she cuddled up to her fox. Nick thought on her words silently, his head swimming as so many thoughts and emotions rattled around.

“With you by my side Judy? Definitely."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So again, based on something that happened in my life. Got invited to a bar with a load of friends for a Christmas party at the end of 2016, but I had working that day, which was fine, it just meant I’d arrive a little over an hour later…if things had gone to plan. Long story short, after a trying day at my job, due to various roadworks and delays I didn’t get to the party until three hours after it started, when everybody else was drunk as all hell, the comedian was just finishing his set, and everyone was having a great time. 
> 
> Except me.
> 
> It’s weird how loneliness can strike when you’re in a room with nearly 60 people, all of which you know.
> 
> I took a similar walk to Nick here, I just had to get out being there, feeling I was ruining everyone’s mood. I did sit on the steps of a local church. I would have preferred to do what Nick did hear and sit against a gravestone because I think it just makes a nice image. My wife didn’t end up coming to find me as she was WAY too drunk at that point, but she was incredibly concerned when I returned. Even in her drunk state she helped, and made me feel a little better and understood when I felt the need to leave early saying goodbye to her friends and just…being there. Not saying anything, just letting me have my feelings.
> 
> Love is a weird thing. I can be in a separate room, writing some shitty fanfic as my wife sews one of her cosplay costumes. Or we can be in the same room, some trash movie on Netflix, reading our phones or tablets, and be perfectly happy. Sometimes words aren’t needed.
> 
> I considered ending this here, but I think we need some proper closure…and an introduction to my next story. Yeah I got another one in the pipeline, drafted out the outline, got some characters together. So, I think one more chapter here, and then we’re good to move on.


	10. A Reynard's Return

**2 months later**

“FREEZE MEANS STOP DAMMIT!”

“Hey Carrots? I don’t think yelling at her louder is gonna help.”

“Just get after her!” Judy said, jumping through the window after their suspect. They’d spent the two weeks Nick had been back on active duty tracking down the local head of a syndicate that had become the main supplier of drugs in Happytown, and weren’t going to let her get away. The second the pair burst in to Alisa Hartley’s apartment, she jumped out on to the fire escape and sprinted away, quickly gaining a significant head start, the hood of her sweatshirt flapping behind her. However, few creatures can out run a rabbit and fox so as Nick and Judy bounded after her, after reaching the bottom of the fire escape they began closing the gap.

The aardvark surprised them with her agility and speed, unusual in the species. She ran full pelt out of the district turning left in to Pack Street, dodging pedestrians consisting of wolves, foxes, tigers, and one sheep. The officers ran on dodging the same predators, with Nick wondering what a sheep was doing living here, before focusing back on the chase.

“You know!” Nick said while huffing, trying to catch air as he kept pace just behind Judy. “I’m starting to not regret all those jogs you make me do. Pretty sure I’d be dead by now otherwise!”

“Told you it was good for your stamina,” Judy replied, looking back, not breaking her stride. As she returned her focus ahead, they saw their target turn left in to Flock Street before running down an alley. They followed, the suspect knocking over trash cans and dumpsters to bar their way.  Judy jinked left and right, and in one case, slid under a falling garbage can, while Nick easily jumped over them in her wake, managing to stay right on her tail. Hartley headed straight out of the alley, almost being hit by multiple cars as she ran across the street, heading towards a large glass covered building, shoving lots of pedestrians out of her way.

“Uh oh,” Judy said, reading the situation. She pressed her radios speak button. “Officer Hopps to dispatch, in pursuit of suspect! Heading in to Troop Street mall! Possibly armed! Requesting backup! Possible danger to civilians!” she screamed as she reached for her dart launcher.

“Roger that Hopps, deploying two additional units to your location, eta 3 minutes,” came the reply from Clawhauser. Say what you want about his Gazelle obsession, but he was a damn good dispatcher.

“I didn’t see a gun Carrots,” Nick said, keeping an eye on their perp as she ran through the glass doors of the mall.

“Doesn’t mean she doesn’t have one, remember when she almost got Grizzoli last week?”

“Good point!” Nick said, readying his own dart gun. As per standing orders, beat officers were not supposed to take their lethal weapons out unless they were expressly needed. They’d stumbled across a lead to Hartley’s location thanks to a tip from Duke Weaselton, and hadn’t the time to go to the precinct and request them.

Besides, nine times out of ten the dart guns did the job, being able to knock out an elephant in less than ten seconds with no side effects worse than a splitting headache from the drugs.

“ZPD! OUT OF THE WAY PEOPLE!” Nick yelled as crowds tried to fill the holes left by Hartley’s progress through the mall. Entering the food court, the aardvark slalomed between a herd of oryx before diving under the legs of a bison, then swerved around a bright yellow warning sign where an employee was mopping a spill. Judy followed suit, matching the moves but easily hopping over the spill (and the heads of several mammals). Nick however, mistimed it and caught his foot on one of the bison’s hooves. He fell to floor and would have turned it in to a roll back on to his feet if he hadn’t tripped right in to the spill. He slammed into the ground and slid on the water into an empty table, causing chairs to scatter.

“Nick!” Judy shouted back at the noise, and began to slow to help her partner. Seeing this, Nick yelled “I’m fine, keep going! I’ll catch up!” as he spent a few precious seconds getting back on his feet. At his insistence Judy nodded and turned back to Hartley, and managed to put an extra burst of speed on to close the gap. Hartley dashed back in to the crowds which began to slow her progress. Judy put on more speed and closed the gap. Realising she was about to be cornered if she didn’t do something, Hartley reached behind her back, pulled a pistol from her trousers and fired in to the air.

“Crap!” Nick yelled as he sought to catch up to Judy and Hartley. He keyed his radio “Officer Wilde shots fired shots fired! Where’s that backup Clawhauser!?”

“Still a minute out Wilde, they’re hurrying!”

“Well tell them to hurry faster!” Nick said, and somehow managed to drag some more speed from reserves he never knew he had. By now mammals were all screaming and running at cross purposes, minor collisions happening all over as they tried to run from the gun fire. Nick leapt and dodged all around the chaos, finally getting a clear view of Judy and Hartley. Judy had almost closed the gap completely, mere inches from Hartley who didn’t have time to stop and turn and bring her weapon to bear, as any reduction in speed would result in Judy grabbing her.

Suddenly a crash of glass from up ahead caused Nick to shift his view as he saw a mother sheep pulling her lamb away from a machine filled with small novelty bouncing rubber balls as she tried to avoid the panicked mob. The impact caused the balls to start rolling and bouncing everywhere, right in Hartley’s path. Judy reached out and grabbed the drug lord by her hood…which was the exact moment Hartley’s foot trod on a group of balls.

The dealer feel to floor, dragging Judy with her. Both hit the ground with a thud, dropping their weapons. Judy fell awkwardly, rolling on to her back and caught a glancing blow to the head form the floor as she did.  Both mammals came to a stop after a few seconds, giving Nick a chance to catch up. Before he could get there though, Hartley started to rise slightly ahead of Judy, the blow to the head causing her reactions to be slower than normal. It allowed Hartley enough time to grab her gun that had fallen by her feet. Nick’s heart started racing as the aardvark rushed over to Judy, pulled her to her feet, twisting her arm around her back while levelling her gun at the back of her head.

“DROP IT HARTLEY!” Nick snarled, raising his dart gun in a two-handed grip. He tried to slow his heart as a burning pain he thought he’d seen the last of months ago started to resurface. _Not again, please not again…NO, YOU DON’T HAVE TIME!_ he screamed internally, banishing the pain and panic away. He couldn’t let this happen now.

“Nah ah fox!” the aardvark yelled back. “One step closer and the rabbit gets a splitting headache!” Judy just moved her eyes upwards, staring right at Nick, not saying a word.

“Urgh, I don’t know what’s worse, the fact you got a gun to her head or the pun!” Nick said. _Woah, that’s the sort of thing I used to say before…dammit Nick focus!_ “Backup will be here in seconds Hartley, there’s nowhere to go!”

“I don’t know if you noticed, but I have all the leverage here! Toss your gun down or I put a bullet in her brain!” Hartley pressed the gun hard in to Judy’s head, causing her to grimace slightly, but she remained silent. Nick finally looked down at his partner’s eyes. Hartley’s demands fell on deaf ears as the partners, in life and love, locked eyes. Nick heart started to slow, drawn by Judy’s unblinking, stoic defiance. Ever so slightly, she nodded.

Nick understood immediately. The world came back in to focus, Hartley now screaming at the top of her lungs as she finally figured out the fox wasn’t listening to her. “I SAID TOSS YOUR FUCKING GUN DAMMIT!” she snarled, her elongated nose bobbing in fury.

“OK you win!” Nick said in frustration. He relaxed his stance, released his pistol from its two-handed grip, drew his arm back in an easy under arm toss and released the gun on the upswing.

Time slowed as Hartley watched the gun rise in a small lazy arc in the air, buying Judy the distraction she needed. Her powerful right leg struck out behind her, ploughing into Hartley’s ankle.  A sharp crack was heard, then Hartley cried out in pain, releasing her grip on Judy, who dived to her right towards where her own dart pistol had landed. As she did, Nick dived forward to the floor, this time turning it in to a roll back to his feet righting himself right under where his own pistol was about to complete its descent. He grabbed it out of the air, focused on Hartley just as the pusher was attempting to aim at Judy who was still in mid leap towards her own gun.

Nick squeezed the trigger twice with no hesitation. The darts flew true, both landing dead centre of the Hartley’s chest. The mammal looked down at her chest and tried to swear, but was cut off as her legs gave out, causing her to fall forward as she lost consciousness. She released her grip on her gun and it clattered to the floor.

Time started flowing normally again, but Nick froze, his breathing hard, his chest hammering…but slowing. Before he could fully process what had happened, Judy ran up to the now subdued criminal and cuffed her hands behind her back and secured the aardvark’s pistol. Satisfied that there was no immediate danger, the small bundle of fur and dense muscle then slammed into Nick and grabbed him by the waist and squeezed as he fell on his rump.

“Nick that was brilliant!” she screamed, and squeezed harder, causing Nick to belch air out. “Nice work Slick, I knew you’d take her down!” she exclaimed. Before she could get another word in, a thunder of hooves and paws became clear as Rhinowitz, Snarloff, Jackson and Delgato skidded to halt, pistols drawn. They looked at the aftermath of the chase and holstered their weapons before turning their attention to Nick and Judy.

“Hey Hopps,  I thought you needed backup?” Jackson said. “Or was that just to keep us on our toes.”

“Oh you know me, just have to make sure you don’t feel left out. After all, can’t have Nick be the only one saving me from a mammal with a loaded gun to my head.”

“Huh, really?” Jackson said. “Well good work Nick,” he finished, a note of satisfaction in his voice. He had his worries about Nick returning to work after the hostage incident months ago, but was glad to be wrong.

“What do you mean **_really_**?” Judy replied, fire seeming to spew from her eyes as she glared at the unfortunate tiger. Jackson started to try and explain himself as Judy rose to presumably wrap his tongue around his neck, when she was stopped by Nick’s paw grabbing her arm. She turned and found Nick staring intensely in to her eyes.

“Judy, are you OK?” Nick said, worry in his voice.

“Yeah Nick, I’m fine. All thanks to you,” she answered.

“Good, now will you just shut up for a minute and sit here with me so I don’t lose it?”

“Nick are you having a panic attack!?” Judy asked, vengeance on Jackson completely forgotten as she kneeled in front of Nick.

“No, but I...I just need a minute OK?” he said. He turned to the other officers who were looking down with slight worry in their eyes. “Guys could you keep the crowds away from the crime scene and give me a minute?” he asked gesturing to some of the braver shoppers who had started to flow back towards them. He hated having to ask for it but it was either that or not give himself the time to calm down.

“Yeah sure Nick, no problem,” Jackson said hurriedly, eager to get out of Judy’s crosshairs. He and the others began to disperse the crown as Nick took a few deep breaths.  He looked down at his lover, concern starting to show on her features. He smiled at her, which she reciprocated. While everyone was distracted, fraternisation on duty still being frowned upon, he bent down and gave her a quick kiss on her forehead. “I’m fine Fluff, I just needed a sec OK? Now let’s get this drug pushing lowlife behind bars huh?”

“You got it partner!” Judy replied, her eyes full of pride.

**Three hours later, Precinct One, Chief Bogo’s office.**

“Well done both of you,” Bogo said, laying their preliminary report down. “Taking down Hartley means one less high volume dealer on the streets, and maybe we can finally make some headway or where they get their product from.” He looked over his glasses at the partners who sat at attention. “As per standard practice, you’ll be off patrol duty while the evidence investigators clear your weapon Wilde. You too Hopps, that’s a nasty knock on the head you got during the pursuit.”

“I’m fit for duty sir!” Judy said, saluting.

“I’ll be the judge of that Hopps,” Bogo said noting the ever so slight delay in the rabbit’s usual speech pattern. He turned to Nick, who had been uncharacteristically quiet during the report, only talking when asked, instead of putting a snarky remark in every three sentences as normal. Bogo appreciated that a little as the snark was the reasons the interviews for this pair ended up twice as long as others, but it did make him worried for Wilde. “Now that the official stuff is out of the way, how are you feeling Wilde?”

“Sir?” Nick said, confusion in his voice.

“Well to address the elephant in the room, how did going up against another crazy animal with a gun who threatened your partner and girlfriend make you feel?” Bogo said, never one to mince words.

Nick remained silent for a few seconds more, contemplating the answer. “To be honest sir, I’m not sure. I mean, I handled the situation exactly as I would have done before…but I don’t know if that’s a good thing?” he said, turning the last statement in to a question. “I mean I don’t get it. Shouldn’t I be happy that I’m over my issues?”

“I can answer that easily Wilde,” Bogo said, removing his glasses. “It’s because you’re not over them.”

“But sir!” Judy said attempting to come to her partner’s defence. Bogo simply raised a finger to her which caused her to stop. He sighed before continuing.

“You don’t _get over_ trauma Wilde,” Bogo said slipping in to a friendlier tone. “You learn to deal with it so it doesn’t take its toll on you.” The buffalo leaned back in his chair. “Believe me I know.”

“Sir, with all due respect, I doubt you let anything get to you,” Nick said, smirking.

“Oh you think I started out as cynical and jaded as I am now?” Bogo said. “Don’t forget Wilde, I was a beat cop for years before climbing the ranks. I’ve seen my share of horrible situations…including when I killed a kid.”

The room became deathly silent at the revelation. “Well I say kid, he was eighteen really but still, only an adult in the legal sense,” Bogo continued as he ran a hand over his right horn. “I was barely three months in to my career, when me and my partner walked right in to a four-mammal bank robbery. We tried to intervene of course, and they tried to shoot their way out. My partner took a bullet to his vest and in a panic, I opened fire…and hit one of the idiots in the chest. The others got away, but that just left me with a dead body, no recovered money and severe depression.”

“Chief…” Judy said as Nick just sat in silence.

“Back then, admitting mental ‘weakness’ was a great way to lose your job. So, I bottled up all those feelings until years lately when it nearly cost me my marriage.” He sighed, leaning forward in his chair again. “I wish I had the help you have available years ago, that’s why when I became Chief I made sure it was covered in the ZPD health insurance plan. But hey, I managed to learn to deal with my issues and here I sit now, getting to order people around for a living.”

“Sir if I may, you do so much more than that!” Judy said.

“Yeah you started gaining weight from sitting around all day,” Nick said, smiling.

“And he’s back” Bogo groaned. “Though I suppose we wouldn’t have you any other way Wilde.”

“Good, I wouldn’t either,” Nick replied. “Though seriously sir, thank you for sharing. I hope to continue serving the ZPD for many years to come.”

“Speaking of which,” Bogo said, staring Nick in the eye before turning the expression on Judy. “Hopps, Wilde. Have either of you considered how you may be best suited to serve?”

“Sir?” Judy said, shoiwing it was her turn to be confused..

“Well it just so happens we’re going to have some openings in the Criminal Investigation Department since George and Roy are going to be retiring in six months.”

“Sir…are you offering us promotion to detectives!?” Judy said, almost bouncing out of her chair.

“No Hopps I’m not offering you anything,” Bogo said, causing the rabbit to pause mid-bounce. “I’m just making you aware that in a few months’ time, we may have some openings for mammals who, after a mere two weeks back, managed to track down a high-level drug dealer the rest of my team has been tracking for months with no success.”

“Way to dash our hopes boss,” Nick said through a smile. “Dangle that carrot in front of the donkey.”

“Wilde, it’s comments like that which will get you on a diversity course from Mammal Resources,” Bogo said, shaking his head. “In all honesty, in the last year you’ve cracked more cases than most officers do in three. I don’t see why I wouldn’t recommend such a team for promotion PROVIDED,” he added loudly, seeing Judy rise in here seat again. “Provided, they both got tops marks in the written exam.”

Judy turned to Nick, her excitement causing her to start bouncing in place. “What do you say Nick? Think we can do it?”

“Judy I can do anything with you by my side,” Nick said with no hesitation.

“I take it you're both interested then?” Bogo said, raising an eyebrow. The partners looked at each other, a shared smile crossing their features and in unison they turned to Bogo and replied.

“Yes sir!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, this story ends. I’m not sure if it would have been more effective to end last chapter, but honestly, I felt like I needed to add this in to show that things can get close to normal after mental illness. Nick may be reacting differently than he would at the beginning of the story, but he’s still Nick, it’s just that he’s a newer more mentally aware Nick than he would have been.
> 
> Mental illness is something that I don’t think you can ever fully heal from, but it’s something you either learn to deal with, or let consume you. At times I felt like it was going to be the latter, but thanks to therapy, help from my loved ones, and especially my wife, it gets easier every day.
> 
> Thanks for reading. I have a sequel series already planned and started, but it’ll probably be at least another week or two before I get that finished. To give you a taste of the content, the working title is “Zootopian Vice” and it’ll star Nick and Judy in their first big case as detectives. It’ll probably have more humour, but at the same time be darker than this work. I think it’ll end up being told more Judy’s perspective, but we’ll see how that pans out.


	11. Update

Just an update to advsie my followers that the sequel to A Reynard's Remorse is now out.

Zootopian Vice can be found here:

http://archiveofourown.org/works/10545628/chapters/23288600


End file.
